Thursday, December 22, 2016

Though my prayers officially do, it's not every day my חת"ת goes to מערת המכפלה בחברון.

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Hashem, thank You so so so much for tonight.
For everything, but now for tonight.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Y'know what's amazing about living alone?

You can eat an entire container of mint chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting and nobody will know!

And y'know what's terrible about living alone?

You can eat an entire container of mint chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting and nobody will know...

Sunday, November 06, 2016

Is there anything sweeter than words of Torah from the mouth of a young Jewish child?

There is not.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Blessing Received

Delete Previous Post

Old Tests of River

Nay, resnuck upon.
Arghhhh can I tantrum stamp that it's not fair????
I thought I was DONE with this!!

Argg, what's the good I can find?
Alright, a laced heart untied.
And less judgment towards others.

Argghhhhh not good enough, Tatteh, not good enough.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

I Forgive Everyone

I have no hard feelings, no grudges, no resentment towards anyone.

G-d is good and He guides me in goodness, with goodness.

Friday, September 23, 2016

קרבן תודה

For a million and one things but the main one for being grateful for my million and one blessings :)

Monday, September 19, 2016

Why I'm The Luckiest Gal I Know (Part 1)

Boruch Hashem,
I've got friends (and family) all over the world who are thrilled to host me whenever I want, and I can pretty much pick up and go whenever I want to travel.
I learn about my Creator, my soul, my purpose in the world.
I have solid boundaries and guidelines.
I have skills that I can use wherever I am, to earn money.
I have medical insurance.
Thank You, Hashem.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

How to fight in Heaven:

I muse, the more you strengthen your self-control muscles and your trust in the Rebbe, the more likely you'll be able to withstand the (nearly) irresistible pull to the glory of G-d up There and insist, rather, on sending Moshiach to redeem all.

The advantage some have - moi possibly not excluded - is feeling at times pleasure and connection to the physical world.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Life/death hack!

If you have automatic payments set up to a tzedaka fund/organization, and then you die, and it continues, you're able to keep doing mitzvos even from Heaven. Ha!! Coolness!!


Life is about each moment. Each 60 seconds is 60 opportunities. Opportunities to shine. To give. To grow. To glow. To create. To live.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Maybe Hashem made dawn follow every night because otherwise we'd have a hard time believing and expecting the light after/from dark idea.

On second thought, light follows night because in upper/deeper/spiritual realms that's the case so naturally it will extend itself to the physical as well.

And then, and then my friend went to Heaven.

"She's in the best rehab now," Isaac says to comfort us.

"I'm done with this darkness," says I.

Golus needs to end.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Just came across my "Broken Heart" piece*.
What an intense creature, this one is.

*pun not intended

From a place of illuminated darkness --

Rabbi Tzvi Freeman's daily doses of wisdom from the Rebbe have saved me many a time. I often mark some of them for return, revisiting countless times over weeks or months until I feel I can check em off.
Tonight, I am ready to post and conquer this one, with the help of G-d Almighty.

Treasure Island
Our souls are in exile within our bodies. Our people is in exile within a foreign world.
And so there are two things we must know:
That this is not our place.
And that hidden treasure lies buried here; for G‑d dwells in darkness.
If we only remember that this is not our place, we may remain strong, we may even shine in the darkness. But what profit will there be from our exile?
And if we only remember that treasure lies here, we will begin to believe that this is our place, and if so, of what use is the treasure?

Likkutei Sichot, vol. 15, pg. 438; ibid vol. 5, pp. 459–461.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Hi, My Name Is Ox

We all have a beast inside. The point is not simply to muzzle that animal, but to harness its power. But first you have to determine what sort of an animal this is and what can be done with it.
A sheep, for example, doesn’t care to hurt anyone. An ox, on the other hand, can kick and gore.
But did you ever see a sheep plow a field?
"I am in the West and my heart is in the East."

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Menachem Av 14, 5776 · August 18, 2016

You shall know… and take to heart (4:39)

For many years Rabbi Sholom DovBer of Lubavitch suffered from ill health, compelling him to undertake many trips to various European healing centers to consult with medical specialists.

On one such occasion, a professor-physician who had examined and interviewed the Rebbe categorized his ailment in the following manner: the heart craves something that is beyond the capacity of the mind, and the mind understands more than the heart can bear…

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Thursday, August 04, 2016

A Rock for Me

Sometimes, when you're walking down the street, maybe even trudging, just doing what you gotta do, you pass a rock and think "Oh wow what a perfect rock to rest on!" and then you tell yourself no, you must move on, and so you move on, and then you think "wait, Hashem put that rock there for me!" so you go back and rest, and get energy for your walk, and share it with others so they too can get energy.

Also literally.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Always love these.

Negative Commandment 243
"Do not steal"—Exodus 20:13.

It is forbidden to abduct one's fellow.

Friday, July 22, 2016

When She Goes

Will they say of her, when she goes, that she was never really here?
Will they say that while she was everywhere, she was really nowhere?
Did everything but nothing?
Plowed, planted, even reaped but never tasted her crops?
Will she taste her crops only once she goes?
Will they say of her, when she goes, that everyone knew her but nobody did?
That she smiled, laughed, joked and cried with all but always all alone?
Will they miss her if they never had her?
Will the world miss her if it never had her?
Will they say of her, when she goes, that she finally found her place and her home? 

I didn't convert my license cuz I knew I had tons of time and then I left.
Hashem loves me.
Regardless of what I see :)

It's OK To Cry

It's OK to cry.
It's good to cry.
It's good that I am crying.

It's OK to be crushed.
It's good to be crushed.
It's good that I am being crushed.

It's OK to be overwhelmed.
It's good to be overwhelmed.
It's good if your overwhelmedness makes you feel crushed and makes you cry, cry out to G-d.

Monday, July 04, 2016

In the words of the Gemara: "If the elders tell you to destroy and the youngsters say to build, destroy and don't build, for the destruction of the elders is actually building, and the building of the youngsters is actually destroying."

(from an article by the brilliant r' aron moss )

Sunday, June 26, 2016

G-d Is G-d

Was, Is, Always Will Be.
Revealed, Hidden.
Harsh, Kind.

G-d = Good

Friday, June 17, 2016

Belief, avec Cody

"That's cool. Well, that's cool and that's not cool."

"Whatcha talking about? What's cool and not cool?"

"Well, it's cool that you stick to your religion but it's not cool that you lose business over it."

"Hey, if I believe in G-d enough to listen to His rules, then I definitely believe He's not gonna make me suffer cuz of it."

(chuckle) "You're right."

Monday, June 06, 2016

No Perfection Available

"You have to begin with the knowledge
that there is nothing perfect in this world.

Our job is not to hunt down perfection and live within it.
It is to take whatever broken pieces we have found
and sew them together to create beauty."

-Tzvi Freeman

Oxygen for my soul.

"Hi, I made Aliyah."

Friday, May 27, 2016

The Good Life

Bose headphones and Alaska and loud music in my ears,
Stuffed Koby and a wooden desk and movies of good tears.
Words to write up any day, moment or mind-shift,
Smiles, jokes and inner rock for every mood to lift.

I'm blessed in my hunger, on my blankets and my all.
And I've just been reminded every leap comes from a fall.

Calm Fire

a calm fire is in my soul
raging without sound or rage
jumping leaping totally still
bursting out with peaceful will

dance, black hats, dance
reach out and take the joy
sing your songs of years and yearn 
teaching all what they don't learn

speed and heat, frenetic power
there here there here where
raging without sound or rage
a calm fire is in my soul

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The Date of Moshiach's Arrival

If it was golus, we'd argue over time zone truths, secretly at best, openly and ferociously at worst.
But it won't be golus, so we'll all happily, peacefully and gracefully agree without anyone feeling rejected or compromised.

O how sweet Redemption will be. How very sweet indeed.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Some (of the zillion) Stuff I'm Grateful For

My sneakers and my laptop. My room. My desk. My window to the street. My job. My students. My coworkers and my free use of the copy machine. My free use of car, wifi, washing machine and dryer (all big sizes). Nice weather to hang up clothes outside. Free pool nearby. My boxing gym so close and cozy. Souvenirs from a million places. Having been in the coolest places. Backpacking trips, with and without friends. 3 day camel trip in the Rajasthan desert of India. Dressing up like locals in Marrakesh, Morocco. Villages and like-villages and freezing mountaintops in Azerbaijan. Full day ice climbing in Matanuska Glacier in Alaska. Amtrak train across the USA. My ability to write. My smile. My glasses. My hair. My friends and my cousins. My fingers and my toes. My seforim. My chavrusas. Having lived all over the world. Eretz Yisroel. Eretz Yisroel. Eretz Yisroel. Having a Rebbe. Having the Lubavitcher Rebbe as my Rebbe. Having a dollar from the Rebbe. Getting guidance from the Rebbe. Blessed and cherished and loved by Hashem.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Fights I Like

War and fights and struggle, I like. External, but that's rare to come without internal too. Comedy and history are nice but it's the drama of battle that lures me. I don't like violence or death or pain. I shudder and turn away and block it out. But soldiers and boxing champions are something else.

You'd think I'd welcome a break from the battlegrounds but nope. Is it cuz it's the only thing that resonates as truth? Is it cuz I get motivated and inspired? Is it cuz I feel comforted to recognize it's not just me? Is it 4:36am and I have to go to sleep?

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

Real Fights

That moment when your gangster boxing teacher asks you what was the most dramatic thing that happened in your elementary school where you work, and you answer, "when the students break their inner  nature", and you get a priceless look of confusion as to which bone that is and what weapons were used to achieve that.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Fighting the Fight

"I once told someone I'll fight until my body falls apart," he said tonight.

"It's happening," we said at the same time.

"Stop before you kill yourself," I said.

"I need the money," he said.

"You wanna be rich and dead," I half-asked, half-said.

"Yup," he said.

I sighed.

"And I'll leave all my money for ... the people I don't even have," he said.

"Oysh. Don't make me so sad for you," I said, and punched out the next combo.

What a nation, are we.

We would LOVE to you have all Ladies (you and your friend and friend's friend!) for Shushan Purim seudah and Pesach meals in Shmuel Hanavi Maalot dafna area. In general we are often available and love to host for shabbosim as well and we do have 3 sleeping spots when they are claimed early.  For shushan purim seudah  everyone brings a dvar torah or inspirational story. Spread the word and be in touch!!!!!!!:) 

See, now getting an email like that makes my heart feel like it's gonna burst.  They left their email address and phone number, I'll give em to you if you pass my security clearance. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

My Mission

Everyone's got a mission in life.

For some, it is to marry, raise children, and establish communities.
For others, it is to babysit those kids so the parents can carry on with what they need to do.

We all have a mission :)

Sunday, March 20, 2016


".תספר לי קצת על שדרות. תגיד לי משהו מענין על העיר שלך"
.ככה אמרתי לנוער בן 12 שפגשתי בשדרות היום
.יש לנו קסמים," הוא ענה לי מיד"
.זה הדבר היחיד שיש לך להגיד לי!?" אני שאלתי"

-פתאום חבר שלו מצתרף בשיחה
"?מה, אין לכם קסמים אצלכם באמריקה"
.'סימנתי עם הראש, 'לא
"....הילד הראשון פנה אליו, "כנראה יש להם רק גרד
Four Gates
Nissan 27, 5775 · April 16, 2015

“Judges and officers shall you appoint in all your cities…” (Deuteronomy 16:18)
Think of yourself as a city. You have four magical gates: The Gate of Seeing, the Gate of Listening, the Gate of Imagining and the Gate of Speaking.
Magical gates, because an Infinite G‑d enters your finite city through these gates. An infinite G‑d who cannot be squeezed within any place or boxed within any definition, but chooses to dress neatly in a wisdom called Torah—and these are your gates by which wisdom may enter.
That is why all the world competes to storm those gates. They want you to see the ugliness they see, hear the cacophony they hear, imagine the nonsense they imagine and speak without end. And then, you will desire all they desire and no room will be left in your city for that Infinite G‑d.
You only need master those gates and the city is yours.
Maamar Shoftim 5729.

Thursday, March 17, 2016


Is that a concern? To become overstrong? To sharpen and build and refine and tone and firm and overall strengthen yourself too much? Can you hold out your hand and say, "Thanks, G-d, and now that's enough." ?


I guess not.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Don't Get Sucked Into The World

It is not business, not money, nor career, nor human relationships that tear our souls from us, and us from our G‑d. There is as much beauty in any of those as there is in any tree from the Garden of Eden, as much divinity as in any holy temple. G‑d, after all, is found wherever you care to look for Him.

It is the way we lock ourselves inside each of these, begging them to take us as their slave; the way we sacrifice upon their altars our dignity as human beings.

Whatever matter of this world you enter, stay higher, stay beyond. Remain free.

Friday, March 04, 2016

Hashem is so G-d'ish, it's insane.
He like just acts like a G-d.
Like G-d.

Just as I get to the step I can't do, Golan calls me from Israel to help me with it!!!!!

From My Qatar Files

When all else fails, at least I was in Qatar.


Thursday, March 03, 2016

Sunday, February 28, 2016

G-d Is Good

And the nature of Good is to do good.
And everything comes as a result of G-d.
Ergo, everything is good.

Lechaim. To life.

My Life Song

If a song of my life is ever created after my death, I want it to be a happy, optimistic, positive one. Even the tune should be bouncy, jolly, catchy, not somber no way.

Since the world doesn't read my blog *gasp* I better up my life a notch in that direction so they get it on their own.

Peace, love, joy.

That is life.

Ah, Mendy called

And all was good again.
Blessed be He.

Friday, February 26, 2016

But aleph (bet) gives hope.

Good HAS to win.

Truth truth truth.

Truth be good be light be me

Tears and hurt. Anger died. Dead inside. Let it end and begin the start. Dark and fog.

Secrets. Hidden. Try and try. Climb. Escape. Dig now. Always dig. No use to run. Holes. Black holes. Dark light. Why'd he kick me? So glad I don't care deep.

Trust mistrust love and betrayal. Ages of doubt. Caves and caverns of patterns of lost and found.

G-d tower
G-d island
G-d love

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Oh, Life

How you exhilarate me one moment and then beat me the next

When times are rough, envision tomorrow, when all your efforts have paid off.

When times are good, pray for your livelihood at every moment, as a beggar prays for his daily bread.

For everything is in His hands.

(daily dose, tzvi freeman)

Monday, February 15, 2016

Sunday, February 14, 2016

I Am My Mission

Never squeeze yourself into this place called “world” out of fear.

Enter each venture with your head high, as a soul with a lofty mission

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Feels n smells like India but only in a good way. Wow. Thanks, Creator.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Blessed to the power of Blessed

My blessings overflow
Ripe juicy fruits of blessings
Everywhere I go

The curtain in my room to give me privacy
The clean shower
The shelf, drawer and hanging space
Heating and air-conditioning
Free use of car
Abundance of food
(plus allowed to cook my own)
(that's so appreciated, the parentheses should be removed)
Rack for my shoes
Washing machine and dryer, whenever I want
Free wifi
The sounds of family talking, moving, laughing
Warm blankets
Safe place (in a cookie-meet-cookie-zapping-in-all-direction way)
Loads of seforim (n books)
Quiet at night
Chassidishkeit in the walls

My blessings overflow
Ripe juicy fruits of blessings
Everywhere I go
Here, at home.

הודו לה' כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Make Up Your Own Life
Tammuz 16, 5775 · July 3, 2015

If everything were spelled out —exactly what you are supposed to do, when, how, with whom and for how long—what room would be left for you to live your own life?
This is why the details of your mission in this world are withheld from you:
Out of G‑d’s great benevolence, so that this little creature can decide on its own and partner with G‑d in its own life.

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Based on letters and talks of the Rebbe, Rabbi M. M. Schneerson    More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
From the wisdom of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory; words and condensation by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. To order Rabbi Freeman’s book, Bringing Heaven Down to Earthclick here.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

i wanted to start with a soft small furry light-brown puppy snuggling
but i started it with rocks
and darkness
even digital darkness
hate the small hopes
for hoping
but it gives life
i suppose
i suppose it gives life
past the moment
and goodness for others
is life too
compose yourself, for a laugh
laughs clear most