Thursday, July 24, 2014

I like how He boosts me up before throwing me down.

But it's okay. Kinda makes me love Him more. Kinda.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Israel's at war, always at war and gaza and soldiers and one gave his life al kiddush hashem and the Rebbe told the woman in the letter what a zechus she has and office and colel chabad and stupid to think of the son of Zion and building and apartment building and upstairs and footsteps and shower and speeches and articles and pain and long held pain and telephone calls and headaches and plans and strategies and shallow and israel and france and whatsapp and don't be scared and scared and don't obsess and obsessed and feeling foolish and tired i should go to sleep, i will think better in the morning, this despair is desparing, i'm blessed beyond belief and pitifully clutched my heart OKAY! it's not pitiful it's pointful and OMG heart hurts and head hurts and fascinating experiment going on okay Gd doesn't do that, just go to sleep Chava, just go to sleep. And questions I don't care for and other questions that I do. Tick is the clock and stupid things in my head and mind and it's all okay besides for those in grief and it's all okay if it was ending like tonight or maximum tomorrow and scatterbrain that I am didn't pick up money or see people or do stuff.
It's too much for me, maybe like Rosh Chodesh Adar in Cheder by the bikes with Yeshivas Merkaz HaRav and Chinese billions of people and stomach upset not as selfish as hey if that's a coping mechanism then indeed don't judge like the R family or rather Rabbi R serving all personally on Shabbos and argh I hear voices, voices! (we switched language desire at the same time) news updates, just sleep! news updates, don't feel, ah I ought to find that series in my blog.

Goodnight and have a good world.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

"And the Heavens had told her it's alright to cry."

Endeavoring to balance gracious and grateful acceptance with sufficient anguish.

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I might be in Israel

I might be in Israel so I dare not sleep,
While my neighbors and I are attacked oh so deep.
Rockets and missiles with noises to frighten,
Fires and lights that make the night brighten.
Children and grocers and teachers and men,
Must run when they hear the siren and then,
They pray with eyes shut but ears can't block out
The boom of loud terror and the shrieks all about.
United again from the enemy's hand,
War it may be but I see miracles land.