Is the emotion I'm feeling, one of longing?
Yearning to see our Tatteh?
Is it sadness?
Pain that he's not physically here?
Am I feeling gratitude?
Joy for what I have?
Is it shame?
Regret for my behaviours?
Why do I well up like this?
It's different since כ"ז אדר, I think.
But I've always gotten emotional.
But then, it was just love.
Pure love and admiration and pride.
Now I have other emotions intertwined.
Is it good? Is it bad?
I wish Moshiach would come already and the Rebbe won't be in pain ever again.
Cuz even in the good scenes, the Rebbe is still holding back so much, dealing with so much, suffering in this doubly darkened exile. Feh.