All the nice things you said to me,
How did I forget them?
To my face you said them, and on the phone, text, messenger, email, facebook..
I see you after years (months? hearts calculate otherwise) and straightaway my tone goes to the negative, defensive, accusatory.
My heart DOES calculate otherwise.
Why did I skip years? It's beyond me.
Years of attention, love, caring, help, trust, reaching out.
Years of compliments.
Wait, why did I skip em??!
England attic and New York plaza and more before and after.
I'm a nut!
And why didn't I just explain how I felt (in the house)?
Why did I call my soul-friend (in the street)?
Why did I leave myself in that crazy situation? Why did I hurt myself?
Ok, I know why I hurt myself, but why o why didn't I just take a deep mature breath and explain the situation? Sure it would've been embarrassing, mighty embarrassing, but still, the air would've cleared. For eternity! For the eternal past too! And wait, I DID explain once. Before it got so bad. Er, same bad but Europe helps, ya know.
[No, not talking to or about you.]
Maybe you ought to pay for my help this time. Or just be the help.
And you raced to the bus station and I smirked in the bathroom and I legitimately escaped illegitimately and eons before we took a bus. Ye, we TOOK it.
Gosh, this is bothersome.