Just before, with my splitting headache, nausea, hunger, thirst and exhaustion, I was feeling irritable and impatient and slightly underpowered about still having so much to do tonight (Chitas, Ticket, Shower, Shema, Gardening, Just Kidding) and having to wake up in the 6's and not having anyone to come with me to my FINALLLLLL appointment.
But theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, I reminded myself that this is my dream!! I get bogged down by all the technical details (and the having to shlep so early in the morning and stay for hours), that I forget why I'm doing this! I AM SO LUCKY BARUCH HASHEM TO HAVE THIS ZECHUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that puny little me is standing right there near G-d and the surgeon and giving a healthy kidney to a fellow human being. It's insane. Utterly amazingly insane.
So now, I am feeling AWESOME about having to wake up early. Heck, I wanna stay up all night in eager anticipation of this final test and big meetings! I am totally giddy!
I realized I ought to finally make myself a reminder card or bracelet to give myself encouragement and remind me why I'm doing this. I figured I'll take a livestrong bracelet (from amongst my stuff) and write on it. I had to smile widely and gratefully when I saw what was written on there already:
HOPE * FAITH * COURAGE * STRENGTH.
Walla. B"h b"h b"H!
I added "I'M A KIDNEY DONOR" :)
And, I'm SO happy that Molly is coming with me in the morning. That is just such a blessing. We'll talk and laugh and give/get support and drink coffee and squeeze hands and give/get hugs and sit waiting together and maybe even laugh again.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE. THANK YOU HASHEM FOR BRINGING ME TO THIS DAY.
And people, instead of being jealous, hook yourself up! (hehe yeah literally, too)