Thursday, March 10, 2011

G-d Is The Real Chief of Police

Thus, I need not fear eternal injustice.

The policemen here lied. (and they are continuing to do so).
The soldiers here lied (unless the police lied about what the soldiers said).
Even the freakin Arab neighbor lied. ("even"?? unfortunately, yeah)

If G-d wants him caught, he'll be caught.
If He doesn't, well he won't be.

But it was never just about catching him. Of revenge.
It was about everything else surrounding it. Even then, that evening, the trauma was mainly from the makot and havganot achar kach.
And the days afterward? It was still not about catching him or getting revenge. It was about the helplessness as days slipped by, fading my memory, and then the realization that it was due to the police's apathy.

And now?

I still don't need him caught. I merely want truth. I want truth alone to ring out in these hills. I want clear open hearts and mouths. Free of falsehood, free of sin. I want honesty and goodness to stand between us. I want us to try our best, working on the same side, looking towards the same goal.

I want justice in the form of truth, not revenge.

Oh! I just got an "...אני מקשיב"; some dark puffs of anger are dissipating.
But not enough.
G-d help me!!

You are, You are. You're the real Police Chief and the real Army Chief here. You run this world. You make sure everything is just, and even more than that, benign.

You're also my friend. A great friend. You understand my bitterness, my anger, my frustration, my hate. You know exactly what caused each emotion. My sadness makes You ache.

Everything is going according to Your plan. Your plan that You have devised in Your intense love for me-Your only child born in Your old age. You have decided which documents should be signed and you have decided which files should stay open. You have assigned soldiers to their posts and reassigned them when You saw fit. You set clocks, answer phones, close doors. You, and never a mass of flesh and blood, run this production.

You know the truth.
You will never be fooled.
You read the hearts and minds of all, and You love me boundlessly.

I must always remember this. I must always remember that You walk with me at night and at day. You not only walk at my side, but you walk inside me. We're attached. And just as You know how to take care of Yourself, You know how to take care of me. And You are; You are taking care of me. Every nanosecond. And You are taking care of me with love and with wisdom.

Discussion over :)

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