Thursday, October 08, 2009

I HATE my job!!!! >:(

I'm so angry I can't even breathe properly. I HATE HATE HATE this!! I cannot freakin teach in a language that I don't know!!!! Babysit for ten minutes, sure. Chit chat for three minutes, sure. Even do some activity with kids for twenty minutes, I can handle. Tell a kid to not to touch. To go to the bathroom. To eat. To turn to the right page. But more than that I CANNOT DO! I do not deserve this! I have talents and abilities and capabilities and I don't know the difference but I have them and here I cannot use them. I am trapped, suffocated, stifled. I am giving so much less than I have. I'm dumb and foolish and useless. I stumble and stutter and gasp for help but there is nobody to answer my call. I feel like crying five times a day from this. I feel like slapping the aides. It's too much for me. Too too much :(
 
Ma, don't read this post.

15 comments:

C said...

:(

So sad to read this.

That sounds really tough... but sabs, me n you both know that you can totally do this well... it'll take time until you learn the language-but what you will end up accomplishing there will be more than anyone else can.

Hang in there!

<3 C

the sabra said...

Oh sure-like two weeks before it's time to leave I'll be fluent(ish). BIG help.

And I just reread what I wrote and it sounds kinda dirty--havin the touch and bathroom sentences near each other.

the sabra said...

But thanks for the vote of confidence-from you it actually means something..though e/o is always throwin out helpful encouragements like seriously what you gonna say? Yah, leave, you suck at this?

C said...

OK, Sabra... you have 2 days that you can pity yourself.

After that, realize what you have the power to do and do it!!

Love you.

MWA

the sabra said...

I have zero days to pity myself, actually. Self-pity is a thief and a liar and the rest is somewhere on my blog and it used to be my ringer and I'll daresay I need it again but thanks for the allowance :)

the sabra said...

ANDDDDDDDD life got much better since I
a, found out there's no school on Monday
b, had some chocolate cake that was really GOOD
and c, found the spanish website

the sabra said...

baruch havaya

C said...

YAY!!!

So glad things are looking up.

Baruch Hashem!

rutimizrachi said...

It is very interesting that while I was reading your post it felt like a mashal for life. Zehu.

We do the best we can, knowing that we cannot know.

And then there is a Monday off, and chocolate cake, and we regain the strength to drag ourselves through it again, knowing that we are so much less than we are.

Glad I could cheer you up. ;-)

es said...

Gosh Chava. I've been a little behind on your blog updates. Hope things are happier now. Judging from the smiley face post ahead, I'm assuming it is. Learn how to curse in Spanish! It'll make everything feel better!

the sabra said...

Every Spanish word that comes outta my mouth is a curse.

Rachel said...

(YOU make ME smile.)

the sabra said...

Hehe from what? The last comment? It made me laugh just now. Say, if I was rich-I'd pay to see me (comedy wise). I would make a lot of money off of myself. Darn it-if only I was rich..

Rachel said...

Wanna sell hemp hats with me by the boardwalk?

the sabra said...

can't see why not