Thursday, October 02, 2008

How was my Rosh Hashona?

Calm n chaotic, baruch hashem. Twas outgoing and ingoing, usual and extraordinary, hilarious and solemn. Thank you for asking. Oh? More details? K.

Erev Chag was a bit of a wacky day. (Tell me, which pre-holidays are NOT wacky?) (Don't really tell me-when I ask questions in my writing, it's not for you) 'Sides for runnin around town huntin for soy milk (on my toilet paper n printing paper expedition), I also got some time zones confused and called, all chirpily and chattily (patented by Chana'le patented by Shua. Esther you should be the ONLY one laughing now, though Mum you will "get" some that Esther won't), some friends n fam that were NOT chirpy and chattable in the weeeeeeeeeee (shoutout to all playground kiddies) morn. Nu nu.
I called my boss from two years ago-"Hi I bentch you that Hashem should give you a million brochos for everything you've done for me, all the kindness and care you've shown me..". He, with whom I did NOT have a joking relationship with, responds-"And I bentch you that Hashem gives you TWO milllion brochos for.." LOL
Someone brought flowers.
I made a "tshuva tfilla tzdaka" project with the three little ones. That resulted in much nachas over the chag whenever Mendele would chant "usishuuuuuva usifeeeeeeeeeela utzidaaaaaaaaaka" Oy he's sucha yum.
So time goes (it's always doin that) and next thing I know, its time to speed into the shower. I'm gettin dressed and Rabbi knocks, "Patricia's here. In how long you gonna be ready?" Gulp gulp gulp "Is five minutes enough?" "Yes, for sure, way more than enough" (one more sin to klap for).
I bring along paper for a pan, and tzedaka for tzedaka. (Now I feel like SD who says they use tzedaka in the bowling alley). Hehe I just read that last line over and it's so funny cuz you can read it like "paper for a pan" like a pot and pan. Ha.

-time out for a little nap. will continue mirtzeshem-

So Patricia is all French and lovely and we unzoom to l'hotel. I'm wondering if I put back all the pieces of my sechel (that apparently fell out when I was choosing footwear for the eve). I'm not sure who's helper and who's hired helper. Reminds me of when she danced with hotel guests, thinking they were from the groom's side. Lolll. So I sat near Rachel. Her hub is prez (or sompin) of the Don't Be Mean To Jews Club in this country. Maybe it's called Anti-Semitism for short. And she's a mean shtachim hold-onto-er. SHE'S not mean, but she's a mean holder. Know what I mean? So that was pleasant. (The part where she offered to take me around, obviously) Patricia thinks I'm the funniest thing since sliced bread (cmon, that IS funny--why would they slice bread when it can be eaten in chunks?? The difference in taste is enormous!).
I'm so glad to see that the kids brought their projects-the "Minhagei Rosh Hashona" placemats and their deluxe (slightly floppy) honey dishes. (thanks mum)
So I'm the only one at my table that's eating. And eating. And STILL eating. (what is WRONG with the kid??) So I leave for a bit to go visit some other 'friends'. Oysh that's so mean of me to put '''s the DAY after rosh hashona. Tsk tsk. Shoulda waited a week (y"k??!) or two (much better!).
I'm trying to get closer to the Israelis table. (Notice-it's not the Israeli (bli 's') table cuz there are tons of tables that are filled with Israeli folk..I'm talking about the table with The Israelis. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin about) (not tons like "A unit of weight in the US Customary System equal to 2,000 pounds") I see a few girls in the corner and I am SO thrilled cuz uh cuz I saw Israeli girls in the corner. :D (M,M & B-reminds me of our day trip)
I try not to care that Adam was clapping but I did and it bothered me but then I got over it. In fact I'm so over it that I didn't even feel the need to write about it nearly 72 hours later. hehe.
Chana (Annatchke) counts my earrings, of course.
I'm checkin out little (then) unknown (David) blonde. Finally succeeded at makin faces at each other. Delightful! (see the next day for an update on our relationship)
I'm gaspin as I realize that after all my drei with Yehi Ratzon etcetera (ooh I LOVE writin it like that) I didn't even do the dip. Ha.
Sara tells me to join their table and I say I will but I think we both realize I won't. Heh.
It seemed that their (nearly) 150 Jewish brethren enjoyed and spired (that's the receiving end of inspired) and wiped some dust off their shiny souls. A blessing, indeed.

IZC IZC IZC IZC IZC (that's my alarm clock at seven thirty am) Ye, on the Day of No Touchin Electricity. Whatever. It wasn't so unappreciated cuz I DID needa get up for tehillim but sheesh, two hours of buzzing?? Like I said, whatever.
In shul, I was the congregation.
Ye, you read that right (er if not, it aint my prob). I was the congregation.
On the women's floor, literally and in general, kiilu'ly. Cuz like yo I was the only one doing the whole "Congregation and Chazzan" "Chazzan reads first line and then Congregation leads" "Congregation followed by Chazzan" spiel. So as he was trying to daven faster than fast (no, you haven't heard sucha service yet) I was frantically trying to stick in my praises and pleas. Admittedly, I think that my gloating expression whenever I squeezed in the tefillah was a bit unnecessary.
Twas freezing.
When the Rabbi apologized for sendin the females upstairs (vs side by side like last time) I witheld the tempation to quip "Oh, we'll be closer to G-d in that case!" considerin it was the Day of Being Serious and Not Offerin Quips to The Rabbi. Ok I'll be honest-I only thought of that after I was seated and outta sight. Outta-sighted sounds better. Only after I was seated and outta-sighted.
Chava was there so that was nice. Chava helped her a bit to follow along and say some prayers. Chava felt like she could learn at how nicely she was davening. It took Chava so long to read the prayers. In the meantime, Chava was racin through some. Much to learn, much to learn.
The whole key-home-bathroom thing :) (like last time)
Me preppin the two gals for the Priestly Blessing...enthusiastically describing the holiness and awesomeness (shalom "nora")... getting them all emotional...and then "Sim Shalom.." Uh ya, no Kohanim-thanks Chav for the climax building.
I send the entire kids section to the Rabbi's house cuz he had to come up and shush them at one point.
Nice davening, nice davening.
Open house from 1-6.
I ask Rabbi if I needa hear the extra thirty blasts or if I'm yotze with the five hundred and thirty I'm hearin as each guest/group o guests arrive. He says I'm cool. (oh cmon, that's NOT what he meant!)
I take each wave of visitors as an invitation to eat once more. Only to make them feel at home, please please.
David and I are bestest of partners. "hva heter du? hva heter du? hva heter du" heehee he is SO my speed.
Two goyims come over, but REAL goyims-not goyims married to Jews. Real real goyims and cuz they're from here, they LOOK really really goyimsish. hehe. O Mendy.
Six oclock and it's time to head to tashlich. I mused to Ms O about the communitiness and niceness of going as a group. The comment fell flat, flat. Yea, no more musings from me, thank you.
I'm happy I didn't take a coat and I'm happy I wore my bone boots (oooh that is SO awesome sounding-whether you admit it or not) and I'm happy I looked YomTovdik. Bh. Moshe says we should make a bonfire and get Lag Ba'omer with if we're already here. I tell him we can throw in our chametz for the same price. He agrees and suggests we import a clown and zehu. I think that was going a bit overboard. Don't you? (Again, I'm not asking you.)
Back at the house, b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
It's like the calm after and before the storm. Hehe.
I mean it was platter after platter after platter all day. And for me, it was chatter after chatter after chatter. VERY draining. You know how emotionally straining every "Tom meet Bob. Bob meet Tom." is for me.
So now it's just family and a bit. Simple style.
I cough myself to bed.

At least this time I wasn't surprised. And I knew whom I was supposed to wake up.
So I get to Shul earlier than yesterday which was a good thing. And again, I'm the congregation. This time I bear a tray of cakes so I'm popular amongst the congregants. (No seriously, there WAS a minyan). The afternoon before, when Rabbi is askin for the minyaneers to come back, Shalom asks "Oto zman machar?" I interrupt the Rabbi's nod with an urgent "Lo!", explaining to the surprised observers that he had come an hour late and made the minyan wait. Hehe.
Of course now that I bring a sweater vest and a jacket, it's not so cold. Duh, I was wearing them.
Chav n I are jolly to see each other on this Day of Coronation.
The Rabbi gives a simply brilliant sermon which I will G-d willing write up, soon. ("soon" is relative, mind you). It was brilliant for its simplicity.
"Chava, they're thanking you for the cake" "Wha?" "Todah al ha'oogah!" "Todah al ha'minyan!!"
Back to the shtub which is around the corner. (kid says "I know the way HOME from the shul but I don't know the way TO the shul." Uh ya, like I said-it's AROUND the corner)
This time it's for shmancy folk. (Argh I already used 'folk' to describe the Israeli segment). Close call when some noninvited turned self-invited but they quickly self-devited, so everyone can breathe easier.
Yes, the fancy proper CITIZENS ended up being quite warm n unsnobby. That was a gigantic relief and comforter. Ye, the blanket kind. (why'd u even ask?)
Said the man, "This salad is quite tasty."
Said the woman, (in jest)"Shall I pretend I prepared it?"
Said the man, "Tell me when you are ready to get married"
Said the woman (gasping covertly) "hmmm"
Said the man, "You must know, there is a saying 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.' It was a joke. Do not be alarmed"
Said the woman, (very alarmed) "No, not at all. Yeh, a joke."
I'm glad I met Ms. Not Dion. I see a future. (O crystal ball)
Much funny things (ahlan lolla) were shared. (But now I forget what. I know that the first day, by open house, someone was on a roll. "You should be a comedian!" "But I am-look at how you're laughing." "Yes yes but I intend for real, as a business" "Oh but I am--I am sending you a bill after the holiday. You're paying for this!")
I tell a woman, in the kitchen, that I only help clear so that I can pick at the leftovers (I would stick in a disclaimer that it's only from the serving dishes, not the individual leftovers. But that would be lying. Ma, stop looking so horrified. You did it first YEARS ago with the (ok fine devastating) drink).
Apparently I was quite the hostess (o alright, it was the food :p) and seudas yom tov lasted till mincha time. No minyan. But man! We have a torah on the freezer! Beat that! (Nooo! Not the TORAH, chochom!)
Seder niggunim was stressful cuz I knew how to start some niggunim that some other holy males did not and I was unable to help. Hello excema.
After havdala, I went to my room and Rebbetzin tells me "You know, usually right after Shabbos/Yom Tov people rush to the phone to call people-but you have nobody to call."
Ya, ladies n gentlemen, when you see those tears during these Ten Days of Returnance (that's a compromise b/w Return and Repentance), you'll know from where they originate.


es said...

Yes, I did laugh. Just for the record. I laugh at your jokes too. So yeahhhhhhhhh.

the sabra said...

K I'm coming. Clear a bed.

es said...

I read it. All of it. Thats right, from Monday's soy milk mission all the way through Wednesday's frustrating seder niggunim saga. I read the ENTIRE post. And you know about my attention deficits. The. Whole. Post. So what do I expect now? I dunno... Fireworks? A certificate of achievement? Thundering applause? Perhaps a phone call would suffice. It would be well deserved.

Hey, do you remember when our alarm clock was IZC IZC IZC-ing for two hours on Rosh Hashana? Crazy times ;).

the sabra said...


Sweetie, you know what you're getting for this...


mishmum said...

OH too many comments have I...