Sunday, August 31, 2008

Hysterical Texts

I know. I ate very fast!

in the words of rabbi leaf : you get what you pay for ....if you got the $7 pairs ...

I'm holding myself back from asking where you are.

Which high school did you go too? Do you like bagels?

Im raising my eyebrows...

Is it just me or are you flirting

Hey Momo is engaged. I wonder if the girl knows that his friends call him that?

Awe man! Chav has he been emailing ur calculater all day?

More than my father loves u??

Stop harassing my girlfriend ;)

kiryat moshe 10 jerusalem... which a neshama at!!

Wat? Your telling me you dont lord an hour wat are you a shiksa (cool word for dict)

No no dnt feel like that my dear ah was just abt ur age myself when i got my permit if i remenber corectly...hard to recal after al these year. Just hold it up with confidence and dnt u let anyone convinc u its weird

So now im walking down the street laughing to myself. Social suicide. Hope your happy :p

I almost believed you stinker i wish you were going

I wouldve dought it rather con to have slain u. And i made up those words

Hi I saw your teacher

My hands are shaking i cant even punch the buttons

What u think? U can just drop a hi and run? Well i wont stand for this abuse..

Leibel says a gute nacht

stam thinking about u and the pillow fight

Toda Kvod harosh memshala

Very nice shaul called me at like 4 in the morning

Hey thats actually not a bad idea maybe ill get engaged tom.. Seriously why wovld i endanger my future like that?

chava whats up mechoeret? i just want lehagid u "have a wonderfull yom";->

U 2 thanx I said probably 250 hours

I see what you and him have in common - making my heart drop


:p. And anyways they smell

I am a chosid and i 2nt help it no matter how many times i try to b a shikse wat should i do
Stop eating all my mishuleshes. (im paying 20 cents to warn you) i miss you like a lady bug misses her dots when they are stolen by the neighborhood bullies

No dear-you were supposed to jog very fast. Sigh.

My jaw still hurts from the collision

No way really? Well lemme tell you-the tiger on the front really adds a lot. And the ballet slippers gives it just the right amount of feminism

Omg was it you who sent me a dead squirrel in a box and wrote happy bday on it with its blood??!

I love you more than the lettuce inside tuna wraps ;)

Theres blushing and then theres BLUSHING-you would fall into the second category.

'' My grandfather is a little forgetful,and he likes to give me good advice. One day he took me aside, and left me there.''


Rachel said...

I don't even know the story behind any of those, and I laughed. A lot.

"Hi I saw your teacher" In tears.

the sabra said...

Hehehe you f'real, ya?

That was actually a funny one. Silly imagination on my part. Come for shabbos--I'll tell you the story.

Rachel said...

Haha. Can you tell me the story anyway? ;)

Rachel said...

(p.s. ya, I is fo real, girl!)

EndOfWorld said...

Man, you are too crpytic.

ES said...

HAHAHAHA. No, I didn't say that right. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So some of these I recognize, some of them I wrote, and some of them I think I know who wrote. Like Ita's are easy to pick out... ;).

the sabra said...

hehe yep. but actually, some you might be mistaken about--the leaf one was not from her. but you know what we're talkin about right? hehehe

the sabra said...

end of- not really. and i DID explain myself to you more than once which is quite the anomaly here. aaaaaaaaand i mentioned you in my blog header. how's that for fame?

rachel my wife- oh it's way too embarrassing to relate here. suffice it to say that i declared um..uh..hmm ask me a different one!

the sabra said...

And btw esther, THIS is one post that we gotta sit down together and dissect.

Rachel said...

Sab, I didn't know we got married! Hehe. (Uh, how am your wife?)

You don't have to explain it if it's that embarrassing- I can laugh at it without explanation. :) (And, ya, you could go ahead and explain ANY of them you like. I love stories.)

es said...

Actualy the one I was thinking of was meshulesheses. Cuz who else would ever let that poor excuse for a word come out of their mouth/phone?

the sabra said...

Rachel, good. So lemme see... (btw, the wife part just popped out cuz of the book "And Rachel was his wife"-I think that's what it's called-It's about Rabbi Akiva and you guessed it, Rachel his wife. No intent other than that, to be applied.)

Some Background--
TEXT (to non-observant Jew): "It's a fast day, today."
RESPONSE: "I know. I ate very fast!"

TEXT: "My stockings ripped."
RESPONSE (recalling the discussion about husbands not understanding that $1 pairs are not necessarily gonna rip faster than the $7 ones): "In the words of Rabbi..."

TEXT: An intense and deeply personal message of gratitude to the tune of-"You're literally saving my life with the advice and knowledge you gave me today!"
RESPONSE (recalling my protests that a previously revealed sentiment had elicited no emotional response, not even a raising of the eyebrows): Im raising my eyebrows.

Oh these are so much funnier if you KNOW the people who wrote the texts or responses. I dunno if I would find it so amusing otherwise...

The calculator one? Well a friend and I used to have these flip-open-stand-up calculators that we'd "use" as cellphones during class (9th grade). Hehe. Mishug.

"which a neshama at"- it just cracks me up when my israeli friends translate hebrew slang into english (bimkom "eizeh nishama at")

the dead squirrel-COMPLETELY random. like really really really random. heehee. o and the response? a casual "no, i sent the rat". oy :D

the sabra said...

Lollll Es! ACTUALLY ahem I was the one who sent it to her. And though the word may be lousy, their taste is anything but.

Ps, I still think of you when I hear 'Holy Land Bagels' :)

the sabra said...

yo-"todah neshama" means "thanx sweetheart" (neshama literally means soul)

the sabra said...

Heh I think that last comment was to an unknown googler of what that means.

Rachel, the "non-observant Jew" (from the "fast" text) is the Elmo holding one :)

Rachel said...

Ooh, Elmo-holder's got spunk. l;sdfkhal;kfja

I just re-read these, and I think I was under the influence a year ago cuz I remember laughing A LOT then. Now, without knowing 'em all, they're just smile worthy.

the sabra said...

Ye I remember being slightly taken aback...

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