Monday, December 17, 2007

One wintry Scandinavian morning, I shivered.
And the story stops there.
Stam.
So, from the beginning:
One wintry Scandinavian morning, I shivered.
I was walking to work and I was short and small against the tall snowy trees, the wide healthy lawns and the biting forceful air.
The sky was vast and mysterious. Far far above. Abover than what I ever knew above to be.
And then there was me.
Little me.
O, tall and confident, I strode; sure did. But I was short and small against the world, remember?
Very short and very small.

And then whamo!
An electrifying and utterly chilling realization smashed right into me and that's when I shivered.

See, this is what I had been thinking--

There are gabillions upon trabillions of people in the world. Countries and countries and countries of em. Different customs, colors, clothing. Multitudes of varied lifestyles, languages, livelihoods. Gabillions and trabillions. Yes, all are a gargantuan step higher than the three other levels of creation--animals, plants and inanimateness. Yet, all are people with desires, weaknesses and strategies.
I'm a gabillionth of a trabillionth of the world.

Then my gaze floated upwards and grasped the sky that was so above it had to Above. And then this is what I suddenly thought--

Up there is an Unlimited Being.
This G-d was able to choose whatever and whomever to be His.
He chose the Jews and made them His nation. Just because.
And I'm Jewish.
But not only that!
Because I know that I'm Jewish, I'm a huge step ahead. I am so incredibly lucky to realize just how incredibly lucky I am.

And then new thoughts pushed their urgent way through--

So I'm Jewish and I know it. Ya. But so many people are Jewish, know they are Jewish and still are too similar to the gabillions and trabillions of people living in the world.
What do I have different?

What do I have different? I have a Life.

I have a G-d, a Goal, a Leader, a Guide, a Meaning, a Precision and an Awareness that is rare.
I have it cuz I'm Chabad.
As a Chabad Chossid, I am connected to a Rebbe whose every action pierced the worlds.
Extremely difficult to explain to an outsider, yet (hopefully!) astonishingly obvious to a fellow insider.

Yes, the world is fabulously grand with many many goings on and I am but one person. But I have a strong ray extending from myself to everything I touch--be it physically or metaphysically--and that is what differentiates me from the rest.

I know mountains. I know cake. I know relationships. I know growth. I know smiles. I know trains. I know thoughts. I know family. I know sound. I know consequences.

Chassidus teaches me all that. Chassidus teaches me to learn all that.
Yiddishkeit shows me a woven scene and says "accept it!". Chassidus opens my hand and directs me to find the thread. That thread of truth that is in every object and idea.

The world isn't so daunting any more.

Look at what I have--From a gabillionth of a trabillionth, I went to being personally Chosen, naturally Informed and continuously Guided.

But wait, there's more.

I'm also a woman.

I'm the center of the home. The center of the children. The center of the continuity of the world. חוה=אם כל חי. I am the mother of all creation.
And more, much much more than that (and maybe it is just "that")--I am one of the Noshim that will bring Moshiach. I see the Rebbe auditorially crowning my fellow females and myself time and time again throughout the years.

I am part of an extremely microscopic group that has been charged with a extremely monumental task and I know it and I can do it.
I can do it cuz I know it.


No small wonder I shivered that wintry Scandinavian morning.

11 comments:

the sabra said...

oof too tired to think and chaya, thanks for the tehillim image--i took it from your blog.

the sabra said...

there was a flash of that feeling from the stage fright post

Cookie said...

wawaweewaaaaaaaaaa!!!
so YOU are the mother of all creation...!!
wow
i was wondering...
:)

awesome post girl

i am officially inspired
yasher kochachaich


ps
you wanna learn?
i'm so in the mood.
i'll come to la

Chaya said...

nothing to do with it being winter?
seriously deep stuff. i know its obvious, but thats what makes it so deep. You took something we take for granted everyday and showed me what a big deal it really is. thanks.
you welcome...once we're giving credit, i got it from crownheights.info :)

chaya le said...

wow you did it again!!! im starting to shiver myself!
It's been a long time since i've visited but im sure glad i sto[[ed by!

the sabra said...

its so nerdy when my pieces just fall apart at the end. hope it's not annoyingly apparent. actually, i don't mind if it is. shows that my words entered the hearts and minds of others, unchanged.

cookie, we are all mommas of creation. (we equals us ladies).
are u still in the mood to learn? i guess this blog zach has its benefits--it's my cute little conscience for when i'm not shiverin in them scandinavian winters :)

chaya, yeh the most woah things are the most simple sometimes. (totally unnecessary comment, that was. slichs.)

so ya, its huge. like think of what we have. its unreal. i coulda been born as a piece of rice. or a pole (telephone, north/south but mainly the european ones). and i wasn't. hashem chose ME. ME. me me me! gosh i forgot it for a few hours. thanks for commentin!

chaya le (space intentional?), who's this? halby?
and man i feel blessed to be the cause of yo shiverin. shiver well my child. shiver purposefully.

therapydoc said...

And some people haven't got a clue about who they are. Fabulous.

Fajita said...

one wintry new yorkish mornin, I shivered. cuz it's cold in this liberee. mwa dear

the sabra said...

therapydoc--curious as to the tone of that one. impressed u read thru the whole thing.

fahita--get a sweater (and spell checker)

mishmum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mishmum said...

Very Very Shayn. I mean it.
Daunting - not.