Sunday, July 29, 2007

I dunno if I'm going to be able to go to Auschwitz.
Just lookin at some pictures in an Anne Frank museum made me sick.

And now I just watched "Hafachta L'Abba" ("You've become a father") part 1/part 2 I'm sittin here with tears rollin down my face and an intense feeling of 'its not fair, hashem' in my heart and stomach.
I don't get it-on the one hand, we are told that everything hashem does is good (not just FOR the good), yet we are told to shout 'ad mosai'. We want out of this golus, we want better, we want change, we want open goodness. And as I yell at Hashem and as I daven to Him that He change His decrees, I wonder. I wonder why He's doing this to us. I wonder HOW He can be doing this to us. But how can I ask Hashem where His Heart is??

But how can I not?

Golus really IS confusing. Rebbe, come back.

i want moshiach now i want moshiach now i want moshiach now i want moshiach now and if for one second i forget to want moshiach, know, hashem, that the intensity of my want now, will cover for that one second and You MUST bring moshiach for sivan and for sarit as well as for silverbergs daughter as well as for each and every one of us and also for Yourself and nimas li already i don't know how the rebbe did it, i feel like im just going around in circles and circles and circles and circles with never ending tzoros and never ending answers and never ending learning and never ending emunah and never ending crying and never ending hachlotas and never ending goodness and never ending badness and a never ending waiting for moshiach and a never coming end.


1 comment:

the sabra said...

where's the 'az yimaleh schok pinu'?

:( :( :(