Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sunday, July 29, 2007

i don't want people to die

ronbenbatya, zechairabaumel, guybenrina, yehudakatz, tzvibenpenina, yonatonbenmalka, moshe, loserit, spankink, barak, shloimie, naama, dani, ehudbenmalka, eldadbentova, giladbenaviva, eliyahubenshaul and also niv

im so angry

at the arab terrorists and at the way israel is responding to them.
you wanna kill urself? fine. dont take us with you. that goes to you, mohammedites, as well as to you, mole-mort. actually, ur officially a jew. don't kill urself.
I dunno if I'm going to be able to go to Auschwitz.
Just lookin at some pictures in an Anne Frank museum made me sick.

And now I just watched "Hafachta L'Abba" ("You've become a father") part 1/part 2 I'm sittin here with tears rollin down my face and an intense feeling of 'its not fair, hashem' in my heart and stomach.
I don't get it-on the one hand, we are told that everything hashem does is good (not just FOR the good), yet we are told to shout 'ad mosai'. We want out of this golus, we want better, we want change, we want open goodness. And as I yell at Hashem and as I daven to Him that He change His decrees, I wonder. I wonder why He's doing this to us. I wonder HOW He can be doing this to us. But how can I ask Hashem where His Heart is??

But how can I not?

Golus really IS confusing. Rebbe, come back.

i want moshiach now i want moshiach now i want moshiach now i want moshiach now and if for one second i forget to want moshiach, know, hashem, that the intensity of my want now, will cover for that one second and You MUST bring moshiach for sivan and for sarit as well as for silverbergs daughter as well as for each and every one of us and also for Yourself and nimas li already i don't know how the rebbe did it, i feel like im just going around in circles and circles and circles and circles with never ending tzoros and never ending answers and never ending learning and never ending emunah and never ending crying and never ending hachlotas and never ending goodness and never ending badness and a never ending waiting for moshiach and a never coming end.


My Story with the UK (Part III)

On Shabbos, I was tellin my UK story to some people and they hardly believed it. Well, I dunno, I didn't just land on ur German doorstep stam kacha. So, here goes the rest of my story...

Read Part I here
Read Part II here

So I fill in 'Chava Java', right, and I'm all full of grins. Tryin to make the best of this crazy sitch. And there WERE some fun/ny moments. Like when I asked the two nice guys what's the shortest time anyone was kept there, and they answered 'five minutes'. My gasp of relief turned into a gasp or horror, however, when I heard how long the longest 'imprisonment' had been-42 and a half hours! Yup, you read that correctly (if you read forty two and a half hours, that is. otherwise, you read that incorrectly). Or when they joked that they got the job cuz they too were stopped once, years and years ago, and unable to receive permission to leave, they just got a job in the office.

I was rather impressed with the humor.

Once, I was lookin for something in my bag (I think twas a chitas to say shema from) and I was makin a lot of noise cuz I was draped in a really noisy silver foil kind of blanket that keeps body heat in..anyhow they were watching me and when they asked what i was lookin for, i said ''if i make a joke about lookin for a bomb, is that ok?'' and they answered somethin to the effect of ''sure its ok. (long pause durin which i look surprised and mischievous) if you wanna spend the next long while in prison''. i thought that was funny.

At one point, a rather serious and official looking official entered the 'waiting room'. I look up and in a VERY innocent and earnest voice, I ask "Are you ALSO a criminal?" He was a bit thrown off balance (i mean, man! the guy was COVERED in badges and tags and vus noch!) so I clarified-"Listen, I dunno who you are, but I just assumed that if u came in here, ur a criminal. cuz this place is for criminals" I dont remember what he answered, but I think it was a polite 'no'. 2 older guys tell me-uh dear, if that's the case, ur also a criminal.

o. gulp.

hehe stam stam. that part wasnt scary. we made lotsa jokes like that. i told them that i dont want the israeli near me cuz hes a criminal. they remind me im also a criminal. yknow, stuff like that.

um what else happened then? gosh its so long ago, im forgettin... ma, remind me.

oh! so i tell israeli--there must be some reason why we both got stopped here together. come, why don't u put on tefillin. so he rolls up his sleeve. joke. so i say, i have a dvar malchus with me, lets learn something (i was debatin it for a long time and finally decided to offer..) so he agrees and i was kinda shocked and i decided to learn s/t on 17 Tammuz and Three Weeks. and the rebbe is saying how 17 is gematria of tov, and shiva asar b'tammuz is good, and all kinds and levels of good and it will get better and wow, i didnt even realize what we were sayin till a few hours later. then i was just glad to be elevatin them Sparkies sittin around. i hear him mutterin to himself--'whats the reason i got stopped here? what does hashem want from me? maybe i was not spiritually ready to leave eretz yisroel. what could be the reason?' i was totally blown away (not literally, silly. he wasn't a terrorist!). such emunah, walla. so ya we both did a bit of nefesh cheshboning. well i tried to but i was hungry. suddenly realizing that the fast may be startin any moment (twas about 2am) i call rabbi d (with israelis calling card ahem, took it out his sleeping hands hehe) and ask him when the fast starts. ''oh it started already''. WHAT?! oy good thing i called now...

i asked the ppl if i was the best behaved 'customer' and they said probably. apparently, ppl come in yelling and threatening sometimes. i say 'ya but its not helpin me to be polite, understanding, patient..do you think things will go faster if im rude and nasty??'. 'no', they say. 'oh', i say.

k so interviewer comes in, HUGE meano shvartzeh. listen, im not saying that all shvartzehs are meanos or that all huge meanos are shvartz. im just sayin what he was. so he drags me (--tells me to go) to small glass room. plops me (--tell me to sit) down. so he asks final questions and is markin my answers down in first person. which is rather scandalous cuz he never had me confirm/sign my answers. and he wrote things i didn't agree with. b'kitzur there were many scandalous things done during this whole mayseh that i hope my lawyer friend (hi lawyer friend :) ) will deal with, if she's not sick of this whole mayseh already. anyhow, during the interview (aka KGB interrogation), after I gave my answer for something, I say ''excuse me?" (again, in that totally innocent/slight ditzy voice). "I see here on ur official papers that it says my name but the line underneath where it says 'also known as' (aka 'aka'), is empty. Can i please fill it in cuz i have a nickname?' (yes, i was trying extremely hard not to burst out laughing. yknow, that was a big problem that teachers had with me, in skewl. I always toed the line without really crossing it. always asked questions with such innocence...heehee) so he finds no reason to refuse and kinda uncertainly asks me what it is. I say 'it's two names. the first one is 'chava' like my real first name. you can look over there to see how it's spelled. and the second one is 'java'. it sounds almost the same, rhymes, but its spelled 'j-a-v-a'. and the complete dork listens to me and follows my instructions. it was a beautiful moment. kinda like revenge against their whole serious official non compromising kaka system.

after a bunch more questions, he dismisses me.

soon after, israeli gets his verdict--he is being sent back to israel. i am freakin out more than he is. after he looks at the time of his departure, however, he too is 'freakin out'. it was like 3am, lets say, on July the 3rd. So his flight was 10pm on the 4th (aha, no wonder--the english are feelin bitter on this american holiday of independence). that's a long time away. anyhow i am telling him how e/t is hp bla bla. ya, well i dunno how open i was to that when they come in and announce MY verdict. in the small glass room, mind you.

so basically ya, ''...based on our interviews and the info we have, we have decided to-" (CAN U TALK A BIT FASTER GOSHDARNIT?!) "...refuse you entry into the UK because" (and the rest of his sentence was never heard cuz I shot him in the toe with my (stolen) M16 and ran out, grabbin the israeli with me, and snatchin as many Tradition Soups as possible.)

or not.

so the documents say im a domestic worker in a private home, somethin like that. i threw the papers down, had a mini tantrum and ya basically that was that. called my mum. couldnt call rabbi cuz was in mid of night. (right before my 7am flight i finally found a phone to text him that im comin back to sweden. hashem yishmor.) i tried explainin to israeli why my sitch was so different than his (when he reminds me of the whole hp deal)--for him, its a cancelled vacation. for me, its 2 months of plans, zapped. (oy its so much fun being master of my own writing). after england, i was supposed to continue travelling..i had a whole itinerary...what the heck am i gonna do in sweden now?!

ya well the airport ppl don't really care, apparently. they escort me to the plane. (oh how kind) they holdin my passport for me. (again, oh how kind) lady tells me we gonna cut the line. i tell her i feel like a criminal. she says, ''or like a movie star''. i answer ''oh! well if thats the case, here hold my bag for me''. ''woah, thats pushin it a bit'' she replies, startled. heehee.

ok so its free for all seating and since im on first i kinda have the whole plane at my fingertips. i look around frantically, tryin to think whats the 'best place' to choose. hmm, shivasar b'tammuz..17..good...ok, i head to row 17. now what? um, a chossid goes to the right. I choose seat 17A.

(to be continued)

Thursday, July 26, 2007


"And if all the train tracks were paper, and all my sweat were ink..."

Cannot adequately describe my overwhelmingly overwhelming feelings of relief, excitement, shock, joy and gratefulness that I experienced when I found out (and even now, hours after) that Pete'le is coming to Europe.

Like I said, 'mentch tracht, Gutt lacht..and Chava Java lacht even harder'--scratch that other itinerary, oh boy its a whole new story now. Ohhhhh boy.


Frankfurt, Germany

ozzz the mixed up y and z are rather irritating. nu nu.
gd bless the shluchim here.
i ought to write things out properlz but i feel funnz usin their computer for so long.
ha, if onlz tom could see me now
(details another time)
i just ate zum food bh
hehe yum food is funnz. i mean yum isnt, but zum is.
went to jewish museum. everzthing is in german. shkozach.
i understood about 20,000 words though
(a picture speaks a thousand words...)
anne frank was born here, didja know? anzhow the museum for her is onlz open on weekends. found that out when i was two minutes awaz
thanks hashem
keep me safe, za?
um what else? the donkez chain humor comes to mind
went to a police station for the first time in my life.
met someone who is doin couch surfin, thats so awesome and it was hzsterical that we both knew bout it from the holidaz.
if all the shluchim in europe are this nice, ive got nothing to worrz about
no nayis came zet. one guz parked his bike like literallz a centimeter (ma, how much is a centimeter?) from me and gave me toothz smile and started shprachin in some funnz shprach. i was SURE he was gonna kill me. he didnt. five points to whoever figured that out.
u can all still text mz swedish cell so i have SOME contact with outside world
not that i feel so cut off, i mean frankfurt is like HAPPENING
er something like that
over n out for now

(now im going to post veröffentlichen...cookie, u proud of me?)
i wanna make a wink but i cant on this funnz anti semitic kezboard
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he is plazing israeli radio!! i wanna go to israel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Current Itinerary

Tonight at 23:00 I got a bus to Göteborg (ye, i GOT it. its mine)
Arrive 3:05 in the mone (say it Yael/Danish style hehe)
Take a tram at approx 4:35am to Landvetter (omg i can't believe im going BACK there!)
7am flight to Frankfurt am Main (just checked-it's with Lufthansa)
Then, Berlin for Shabbos iyh.
Travel the week (Poland, Czech Republic, Hungary, Austria, Switzerland...maybe more maybe less...maybe with Avigail, prob not with Shai, f'sure with Elokim...)
France the next Shabbos iyh.
Leave that week.

Yup, "mentch tracht..."

p.s. all you little would-be babysitters/bodyguards/companions/partners are gonna regret ur decision, BIG TIME!
Sabra Is The Lady

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Halachos for The Ninth of Av

last year i was in yerushalayim for Tisha B'av
i was in the place where the story had happened
at night i went to kikar safra, heard eicha there
bought a gush flag
bought two actually, and gave one away to a random yeshuvnikette
then by day i went to reizi's kever on har hazeisim
attempted to, at least.

here is my har hazeisim story and here are some pictures
(gosh it feels like last month)

and well this year i am in scandinavia for Tisha B'av
im livin the effects of the story
at night i went to the shul, heard eicha there
brought a chumash
brought two actually, gave one away to a new friend
then by day, i will dance with chana (mother of seven sons) and miriam (the prophetess)
i'll attempt to, at least.

Monday, July 23, 2007

tehillim request (an email i've received more than once)

i wanna start with thanking everyone again for davening. it means so much to my family you dont even know. now, for the update...my mother is unfortunatly in the hospital. the tumors in her lungs grew and she really isnt doing well...the doctors say she doesnt have much time but since Hashem runs the world it is up to Him. please lets continue to daven so zeesah miriam bas yehudis should have a full and complete refuah shilamh.


~Chaya Griego~

p.s-PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure to foward this!!!!! thanks you

Sunday, July 22, 2007

i just wanna be reckless

sometimes i just wanna be reckless,
be irresponsible,
be stupid

sometimes i just wanna go against my better judgment,
and be reckless,

sometimes i just wanna stick my fingers in my ears and wiggle my tongue and make a lot of noise till the annoyingly smart guy in my head cannot be heard,
and act recklessly,

sometimes i just wanna be reckless

but alas, being a chabadnik does not allow for recklessness.
does not allow for irresponsibility.
does not allow for stupidity.

being a chabadnik calls for restraint
for maturity
for wisdom.


im happy to be a chabadnik.

but still, sometimes i just wanna be reckless.

Ahlan, its 6:15am

(...at night, not early morn)

Before anything, I want you guys to know that less than 20 people have been invited here so if ur readin this, consider urself VERY honored. (heehee)

ok, 1. People are still askin me how Switzerland/Norway/Denmark is.

2. The shluchim here are AMAZING (no one readin this will chap why its funny. tis ok, im readin it and i chap)

3. It's beautiful how much faith Hashem has in me--that I will still hold on strong even after my travel plans have been changed for the 602nd time.

4. I want my travel plans settled.

5. Shai is a cool guy. Too bad I can't go to Norrsken with him. Well, too bad I could cuz now I feel bad I'm not. Well, I'm happy I'm not but yknow...

6. I still get shocked every time people are STILL askin me how Switzerland/Norway/Denmark is.

7. I was by the Kotel last Tisha B'av. Was sittin on the floor in Yerushalayim hearing and reading and thinkin bout the Beis Hamikdosh that was destroyed. Heard a story today bout Napolean-he was ridin past a yeshiva and heard weeping. Intrigued/in an act of sudden benevolence, he went in to investigate. He was told that they were mournin the destruction of their Holy Temple. "Who destroyed it? Where is it?" Napolean shouted*, "I'll go get em!" When he learned that it had been destroyed over a thousand years earlier, he said* "A people who still mourn the destruction of their house of worship more than a thousand years after it has been destroyed, will live to see it rebuilt".
*verbatim, im quotin
** see star 1

8. I'm still traumatized from my UK story. I ought to finish writin it. Finish gettin it out of my system.

9. I ought to head to bed (now that Chani is not here to argue with me ;) ).

10. are the aseret hadibrot. I heard 'echad mi yodea' for the first time today. Well maybe not the FIRST first but yknow, the first..


12. Caring people are like grandmas teeth--few and far in between. Thanks RN for caring.

13. Have some Pirkei Avos thoughts that I must share. Must as in Must Gum.

Intimacy In Flames

Now, the Talmud is telling us, that when the enemies of Israel invaded the Temple – during the time of its destruction in the Hebrew month of Av -- they entered into the Holy of Holies, a place so sacred that entry into it was permitted only to a single individual, the High Priest, and only on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year. There they saw the cherubs embracing each other. They dragged them out of the Temple and into the streets, vulgarizing their sacred significance.

This seems bizarre. When the enemies of Israel invaded the Temple to destroy it, the relationship between G-d and His people was at its lowest possible point, for that was the reason for the destruction and the subsequent exile. The Jews were about to become estranged from G-d for millennia. The manifest presence of divinity in the world, via the Temple in Jerusalem, would cease; Jews and G-d would now be exiled from each other.

Yet, paradoxically, it was precisely at that moment that the cherubs were intertwined, symbolizing the profoundest relationship between G-d and Israel. How are we to understand this?

The most daring explanation was given by the heir to the founder of Chassidism, Rabbi Dovber, known as the Magid of Mezrich (d. in 1772). Quoting the injunction of the sages that a man ought to consort with his wife prior to leaving home on a journey, Rabbi Dovber suggested that G-d, prior to His long journey away from home, expressed His intimacy with the Jewish people. Prior to the onset of a long exile, the cherubs were intertwined, representing the intimacy preceding the journey.

What the Chassidic master was attempting to convey through this dazzling metaphor – and it is one of the most central themes of Chassidic thought -- was that it was at the moment of the destruction when G-d impregnated (metaphorically speaking) a seed of life within the Jewish soul; He implanted within His people a piece of Himself.

For two millennia, this "seed" has sustained us. The groom may have seemingly departed and was consciously concealed, often to an extreme, yet a piece of His essence was embedded within the Jewish people; a spark of divinity was sown in the Jewish heart.

(Click the title for the full article by Rabbi YY Jacobson. Derech agav, this site is full of hidden links. And finally yes, moshiach still has time to come before his 'bday')

Friday, July 20, 2007

I'd rather feel good than look good.

And I'd rather be good than feel good.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

"I'm Wheelchair-Bound, and the Terrorists Can Go Free?!"

I'm still shaking. I can't believe how utterly stupid, blind, cruel, and dangerous this Olmert guy is. Hashem, please protect Your foolish kids (and the rest of Your chosen nation, as well).

My Story With The UK (Part II)

ok so im taken to the side. he takes my phone away. (as im textin the rabbi the exact details of what i told them officials). i ask to go to the bathroom. he says ok but he doesn't let me take my stuff with me. i ask again and again. he doesn't let. me-but i need to take my bag with me! he-why? me-cuz there are stuff in there that i need for my tiyul to the bathroom (trying REALLY hard not to roll my eyes). he-take out what you need and leave the rest here. me-i would rather not. why don't u search thru it for phones or whatever else it is that i cannot take with me and zehu? (no, he wasn't israeli. still isn't, actually). he-we cannot do that. back n forth n back n forth till i stomp off huffily to the bathroom (it was actually a bit fun cuz i don't do that kinda drama-the stomping off huffily- 'round 'normal' people hehe). when i come back, passport guy is surprised at my (exaggeratedly sullen face). me-well u didnt let me take my bag with me! he (sputtering)-u dont understand, do you? what would have happened if i had let you take ur stuff with you and u would have harmed urself or something? i could have lost my job! i have a family to support! a mortgage to pay off! me (what's the guys problem?! HIS kids food is more important than me putting on make-up??)-i don't care. im innocent.
ok so they stick me in a waiting room where i had earlier seen a middle eastern guy being led into. o great. me and arafat in a room. in the middle of the night. yay. two middle aged/older (last time i said 50 was old, i got wacked on the head for that) really gentle looking gentlemen are babysitting us. err guardin the room. ok so i get called into an interview room, glass windows all around (ITS IMPORTANT!) and he starts explaining my rights to me, or something like that. i see on the paper there that they have food available and also vegetarian etc. and because they also list that korans and mats are available for those who need it, so im assumin that there'll be kosher food as well. (ma, pipe down with assume) he says o i dunno. what can u eat? we have lots of sandwiches.. me-um are there any kosher sandwiches? he (its a different he now..a much nicer and more understanding one)-we have cheese, meat... me-no. forget sandwiches. what bout something else? he-sure, we have soup. two diff kinds. me-no no, nothing cooked or baked. what bout fruits or veggies? or canned items? he-hmmm no, none of that. but we have chicken salad. me (SHKOYACH)-what bout ur vegetarian meals? he-veggie soup. me (i dunno why im makin sucha big deal even, its not as if i was hungry then. o wait, the fast. shiva assur b'tammuz is startin in a few hours)-can i see ur food pantry??! he-yes we can go see it soon as we're done.
he asks some questions, mostly explaining the procedure to me--that i gonna wait in the waitin room while they review my details, then they will ask me more questions and take my fingerprints, ask me more questions, until they are satisfied and then they will decide if i can enter the UK or if i have to leave. me-u mean, WHEN i can enter the UK. not IF. he-well, they might refuse you entry for some reason or another. me (cuttin him off. literally. joke.)-nonono. not me. sorry.
so we chat a bit more, says hes been to israel. he can tell im jewish. how? by my eyes. walla. im quite pleased. im intrigued. i ask if he can tell everyone's nationality. pretty much, he says. remember, im a people watcher. that's my job. me-right! (ma ya u can calm down again hehe). so i fold my arms (JOKEEE). so i point to the guy in the waitin room (glass windows/walls, remember?) and ask if hes jewish. he-ya. me-WHAT?! he is?? is he israeli? he-yes. me-WHAT!??!? HE IS!??! u sure?? he speaks hebrew? he-yep. me-WHAT?!!? HE'S JEWISH, HE'S ISRAELI and ur keeping me in here?? let me out, i must talk to him! he-ok ok soon as we're done here. me-man o man, im glad i asked! he-ya, hes jewish. he also asked for kosher food. me-WHAT!?!? hehe stam.
so we finish up, i come out n head straight to the israeli. he (a third he. again ma, u can calm down :D)-az nu, mah itach? me (kiilu we've been friends for years)-lo yodat. od lo yodat mah yihiye. v'mah itcha? lama heim atzru otcha? and we chat for two seconds only cuz then they come to inspect my suitcase. back into the interview room, i go. suitcase on the table. i tell them (ye, another guy now. mr chirpy eager red faced earnest young dorky brit joins the crew. james, not to worry-not much competition goin on there.) so as he's opening the suitcase, i burst out 'wait!' he stops, surprised. i say, you can go thru it all u want but u better make sure to repack it properly so u can close it afterwards!. ok, hes cool with that. so he's goin thru everything and takin all documents and papers that he finds relevant (relevant? relevant?!? relevant to what?!?), with him. that includes going thru my wallet and my fifty thousand business cards, buy 10 bagels, get one free (holy land bagel estherrrrrrrrrr), tachaneh merkazit internet card, hakol! that also includes skimming my diary. and then taking it.
whatever. im still traumatized. (cuz of the next time they did that....you'll hear about it later)
the good thing is that now i have a 'friend' in the vicinity and i can roll my eyes thru the glass window and my israeli friend can wave back sympathetically. uh he could but he doesn't. hes busy rollin HIS eyes and epes our eye rolling didn't match.
ok so he finishes goin thru EVERYTHING and halfway thru packin up my stuff, he turns to me-uh do you mind finishing? i think you can do a better job than i can. me (smirking/grimacing) ye ye. and as im repacking my stuff under his staring eyes (mind you!) i decide to do a bit of rearranging and switch the padding of my glass perfume bottle with the cushioning of my chevron mug. might as well. so i switch that. while he's waiting. and as im carefully wrapping up my stuff, i think-what the heck, and i unwrap the newly wrapped perfume and spray it on the guy. joke. i spray it on myself. very very nonchalantly. not at all as if its midnight in a immigration office. i look up at him indignantly (he hasn't said a word) and tell him-listen, you've taken up hours of my time, i can make u wait an extra one minute. he doesn't seem at all perturbed and tells me-its ok, im here all night.
so we leave. im chucklin to myself still. i go sit down. they come to take my suitcase away. they gotta lock it up. but no worries, i can take whatever i want from it whenever i want. guess they not scared im gonna HARM myself anymore. sheesh. k so we go to lock it up in the food storage place and walla, first thing i see is a bunch of Tradition Soups. now listen, i haven't eaten those in years, never liked it, never cared for it (only to take from my little brothers plates when they weren't watching. for the thrill, yknow) but man, those soups jumped at me like old pals. neat.
what's more neat is that from the gabillions (real number) of ppl that coulda been stopped, there is only ONE other person. and hes a jew. totally a Hand here.
then they come to take my fingerprints. and they're apologizing. im laughing. they're explaining that its only for their office use, not police or anything. im laughin even harder.
me n israeli continue chatting. he's been stopped cuz of his 'chaver metumtam'. lamah? well its his first time out of israel (his name is eli, btw) and he takes a spontaneous trip to england to visit his friend. me-what does ur friend do in england? he-i dont know, i never asked him. me-ok. so he gets to the airport and he doesn't have the friends address or something like that (gosh, how irresponsible. im telling you...!) me-what were u plannin on doing? he-i was going to call him. me-so what happened? he-well i have israeli passport and i didnt have his address, nu its not a big deal i have other friends there. me-how is he ur friend? he-we was in the tzava together. a few years ago. we were in touch for a little after that. me (lolll) gotcha. az mah karah? so basically airport ppl call his friend yknow to confirm a few things and friend has ZERO idea of whats goin on, who is eli that's coming, no im not expecting anyone v'chulu v'chulu. uh right. thats cuz this was a surprise trip. and b'kitzur, thats how he landed up in that waiting room together with me. uh, in the same waiting room as i was in. ;)
so its after 1am now probably. (plane landed at 10pm approx) im gettin hungry. i see a can of corn in my bag. i ask to eat it. they say no. i say yes. they say ok, pour it in a cup and well examine it and then u can eat it. i say YOU'RE JOKING. then i remember that they are english and that they're immigration border police control people and definitely NOT joking. i pour the corn in a cup and after thorough examination, im granted permission. i eat.
rabbi d' is textin me away askin if im ok etc etc but i cant text back (yes they gave me my phone back) cuz of service or whatever. poor guy.
on the forms that they gave me that lists why i was stopped (reason-answers given were not satisfactory), there is a space for them to type in my nickname, under my name. it was blank. i asked nice older gentleman official why they didn't ask me my nick and if i can fill it in. he says sure but its my own paper, no one is gonna read it, i can do whatever i want with it. i joyfully fill in 'chava java'. i grin.
life's good.

(to be continued)
( again, i am in NO WAY rereadin this, so i apologize for things that don't make sense. and btw, like i just explained to imi--im writin this half for all u guys who keep askin me whats goin on with me and why i got stopped/refused etc..and half for myself. so tack. o and ya, maybe ill be done by sukkos. MAYBE)

Monday, July 16, 2007

My Story With The UK (Part I)

Monday, July 2 (Tammuz 16)
We (Leibel's family and I) board a RyanAir flight to Stansted
(not Heathrow ahem mister) Airport in London, England. We gonna hang out there for two days (until our shipment arrives) and then we go to Leeds. They told me to pack an extra set of clothing just in case our stuff comes a day late. Fine. So I have my little carry-on with stuff for three days (4 pairs of shoes mind you. don't ask how that happened!) plus a few extra stuff that I had just washed and hadn't been dry when the shipment had left. (u will soon see why that is incredibly important)
K so big hassle gettin on the plane, trying to sit together etc (ma, remember the text i sent you? hehe), me making it VERY clear that I'm only a FRIEND of the family vs one of THEM hehe (and that is precisely when about 3 kids come runnin over and topple me over with hugs and smooches).
(ita i stuck in 'smooches' for you but u don't even read this. ha. one of ur roomies could pass on the message)
k i guess i gotta skip the irrelevant details if I wanna finish this before Rosh Hashona (yes, the fact that it was RyanAir is completely irrelevant).
Ok so we land in England. Yippee!
(sorry Son, I really was excited!!) See, after spendin a bit o time with Leibel, I was to go to Chana'le, and then travel to France to visit Chaya, then meet two other friends in Italy and start our EuroTrip, heading eastward towards Hungary, Poland etcetera (sorry Chani, I know u can't stand that typical kind of eurotrip :) I had my summer planned and packed!
K so they go to the European Passport line, I head towards the 'Other Nationalities'. (sheesh im FOREVER 'other'! ok ok...)
I start filling out my landing card. I don't know the address in London. Bseder, it happens. I try lookin for Leibel's family but eppes it's a bit difficult. Eppes they're a bit not so tall. K whatever, when I get to the counter and if they make an issue, I'll find them then.
I get to the counter, they make an issue, and I didn't find them.
And neither, apparently, could they find Leibel. Ye, they come up to me askin if I know where he is. Great HP, I quickly ask the address. The Passport Man says its not a prob that I didn't know it, just fascinating that so many ppl come and don't know the address of where they are stayin. I tell him that I'm so grateful that he's being so nice cuz sometimes airport people can be scary. He is surprised. "My mother wouldn't like that, if I was scary". "You're a good boy, don't worry", I reassure the 45 year old official. He wants to know my relationship with Leibel and his fam. I say I help out the fam. I travel a lot, they let me stay by them. Do they pay me? No, just my daily expenses. Passport Man is a bit suspicious now. He tells me to sit down on the row of chairs behind. All the people on line are looking at me. I'm not looking back. So he goes to the back, to his superiors, ich vais, and then returns. He calls me over and he starts askin me 49 thousand questions. He asks to see how much cash I have. He asks me more questions.Tells R' D. that I need to be questioned more at length, and they shouldn't bother waiting for me cuz it can take a coupla hours. "I'll take your luggage home then", says R' D. "Oh no you won't" says MommaBoy, "leave it right here". Um ok. "Hey can u just give me some food please? The fast is starting tonight, yknow". "Sure, sure". (at some point during the last hour, Leibel was found, lo lid'og.) I later found out that a) he ran around the airport looking for a kosher sandwich or something more filling than pretzels that he could buy for me, and that b)he tried giving me money as well (for a train home, for food, for a phone card...) and they told him "its fine, she has enough money. we counted it" (remember this detail for what's gonna happen on wednesday..about 5pm :) )
So Leibel and his fam go home.
PassportMan leads me to a side hall and tells me to wait with my stuff there until someone will come and collect me.

(to be continued)

why i made my blog private-

so basically there are a buncha people 'round the world who are reading my blog. im always surprised when i find out someone else that is, but ok, bseder, never bothered me. felt cool, even. but now im finding out about more and more people who are readin my blog and i dunno, i just don't feel comfortable with that anymore. true i have never posted any really private things bout my life but still, i have decided that i don't want random people barging into my soul anymore. random means people i don't know, and even more-people that i do know. i don't want bored bochurim reading my blog. i don't want nosy shluchim reading my blog. i don't want obnoxious people reading my blog. so who did i invite? well pretty much anyone who i like and who bothered to email me askin what happened and if they could be invited in. maybe that will all change in a month. in a week. in an hour. i dunno. but for now, i kinda like the cozy feeling of just us. and yes, 'us' will keep growing perhaps but that's ok. so long as i know who's comin here.

tata for now.

p.s. also, i've meaning to write up my mishugeneh passport story (that's still happening) cuz a bunch of u keep askin me bout whats goin on..and e/o knows a diff part of the story..and some are so far back, they askin me if im outta tfisa....so i wanted to put it on my blog, yknow make it easier than typin it fifty five times...but i didn't really wanna write that for all of the world to see...so now ill be able to :)

Monday, July 09, 2007


he came through my door the other day
i was surprised that he got in
i always shut my door real tight
i guess he got real thin

Vulnerable is my ever foe
and the cleverest one of yet
where Anger, Greed and Poverty fail
Vulnerable wins the bet

see he knows i am the toughest one
living on the block
so fightin me will ensure his loss
its dumb to pick the lock

he waits merely for a chance to glide
right through an open door
left ajar by Sad or by Tired
and then he knows he's got the floor

and with a smile gleaming of knowledge and peace
he softly blocks the way
its only him and i inside
he lets Reason have no say

then guided by his every utter
i stumble in my own home
he leads me to Confused's vast chamber
with strange lights accompanying my roam

Experience and Logic know the routine
and beg to be let in
good ol Hope is tryin the phone
they cannot let Vulnerable win!

but it's Vulnerable now who answers my calls
and announces Hope as "Weak"
Faith is "Fool" and Mentor is "Dumb"
giving none of them a chance to speak

and when Conniving comes to twist my soul
he's draped in glitter and gold
i fling open the door and hug him real tight
for "Kindness is here", i am told

and now all the bad guys can see my door
and how it was me that opened it wide
so this is their chance to come marching in
cuz Vulnerable's waiting inside

so in come Apathy, Illogic and Limp
followed by their dozens of peers
and i welcome each one with a grin and a tea
till suddenly i'm engulfed by Tears

Vulnerable knows how to act durin battle
and gets Fragile to knock Strength to the ground
and i'm gaping in fright, in chagrin and in doubt
while Love doesn't make a sound

but Love has been misrepresented, unfair
both when he showed and when he did not
and ever since Vulnerable entered my door
Simplicity has been made into Plot

and only when i challenge Vulnerable
by starin him straight in the eye
can i successfully shorten his unwelcome visit
the one that turned my Truth into Lie

Monday, July 02, 2007

"Better a repast of herbs where there is love, than a fattened ox where there is hatred."

(PA end of 6,6 = Mishlei 15, 17)