Monday, May 07, 2007

smoke n stuff

just came outta the shower (tfs, ur welcome) and before i went in, i realized i smelled real strongly of smoke. (ain mookdam u'meuchar b'sabra).
it was from two things, the smoke-the shawarma i was dealin with, and the bonfire i sat near, afterwards.
my clothes were drenched with smoke.
it reminded me of two things, the smoke-my old shawarma shop* that i worked in, and the bonfires in amona.
smoke is powerful, yo.
whenever i'd get home after bein in the steakhouse, i had to discard my kleider in a separate laundry bag. so strong, the smoke. but i loved it.
and from amona-my coat still carries the odor of the smoke. we sat around bonfires the night before and i barely spoke yet my coat still smells of it.
and i smell it even without my coat.
i had to make sure not to wear 'fresh' or 'really clean' clothes to the shawarma place cuz then i'd be uncomfortable and cautious. ye can't wash dishes and slice meat if yer scared to chip a nail.
twas nice to work with shawarma again, tonight. nice doesn't mean i didn't cut myself on two fingers which led to a new appreciation of the 'Red Sea'. no, nice means nice memories.
shawarma memories.
not amona memories.
i tried so hard not to think of it.
didn't want amona tears nor amona ice in my heart.
i just wanted shawarma memories.
chopping away, being slapped for opening the register, learning mizrachi songs, getting free falafel from the competitor across the street, trying to sponga and just makin matters worse, using funny mayo soap for the hugongous dishes-those kinda memories.
when i was in the kitchen tonight preparing the food, i thought of my black t-shirt that was envied by some other workers. i thought of laya n avigayil and everyone else i brought there. i thought of how i was fired countless times and then re-hired soon as a table needed some chumus-wiping.
it was precious to let my mind roll back to the late nights, to the falling storage shelves, to the free painting, to the politics. ye, the politics. army politics, state o israel politics, friendship politics, business politics. ye, lotsa politics there-and surprisingly soaked up by one who surprisingly despises politics. ye, me.
whatta life, whatta life..
and again, my mind and nose drifts back to amona
how i called my cousin after-the only person i could cry to without talking at the time
and i still shudder when i hear 'zuzi'
and every gimmel of a month makes my stomach tighten
and how i was queasy and fidgety this morning cuz they said that the police accompaniment to the parade would be on horseback.
and police on horseback makes me sick
thank gd there was none
and thank gd i got to cut the shawarma tonight


the sabra said...

*Steakhouse Yerushalayim, 101 Agripas

Anonymous said...

Smoke used to bring back amona memories.. but that changed.. now smoke gives me good memories of the chomesh bonfires...

I had horrible charlie horse and it was pitch dark n freezing and I just laid on the ground by the fire and we burnt all the wood we could find.

And arguing about throwing too much wood in the fire "nu tistakel! achshav ze yigmar b'chamesh dakot! ata tzarich lases rak ktzat!"

Amona bonfires was nasty.. especialy because I was sick and couldent sleep, and then the shmuck who kicked the water bucket over and got me soaking wet...

Anonymous said...

oh and awsome fireworks!! see the fireworks were so special to me, cuz the night of the chomesh girush as we hiked up and the f***g arabs celebrated by shooting fireworks.. so us shooting fireworks to tell the arabs "haha we are back" was just beutifull.

wires said...

in my days.....

esther said...

awesome stuff chava.

Shogun_Grievous said...

Nice post!

It's good that the little things in life can bring back a flood of memories. Preferably good ones anyway...

the sabra said...

esther n sg, dont know why u guys would like this post, considering its only me n my memories and thoughts that smell half baked to you but are overdone on my end...but thanks :)

Chaya said...

reminds me of when u txted me that ur going to amona would i care to join. im ashamed to admit that i didnt know what amona was then. the next day i knew.

the sabra said...

why is that a matter of shame?