Monday, March 19, 2007

im so anxious

and someone just told me to get a blog, im thinkin it might help if i had one, but i dunno-somethin about blogs make me wary..i think i'd rather stay far away from them. in the meantime, im just gonna make myself at home over here and talk about why im so anxious at the present moment.

im anxious cuz i kept pushin off callin and finally i did. call, that is. i am not sure why i didn't wanna call-i think i was scared of two reactions-one telling me we have no hope and the other that im overreacting. course i would rather the second. anyhow i finally put the butterflies to sleep (like durin shema n shmoneh esrai..alive but sleepin) and i call. he says call back in a half hour. i count the minutes pretending not to. waste my time. waste some more. try to be calm. call the other bunkmates makin sure they aint returnin before my call. they aren't. thank You hashem. 8 minutes left. run to the beis hakisei (oy i love you daniel) and then frantically start memorizing and reviewing tanya. yknow to make up in 3 minutes what i shoulda done in 3 weeks. so then i call and gd bless him, we get straight to the point and he doesnt make me feel awkward and he remembers exactly what we spoke about last time and hes thinkin what to do and im so relieved, im in good hands!! but then he says 'ok listen, can i ask u to call me back in 45 minutes?' oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! biggest and most primary oy is the return of the comrades. though i am loath to call one comrade. but alas, we are. in a sense. and i need to be ALONE when i talk to him. im freaked out enough as it is. too much responsibility on me. too much woahness. life and death is woah. im almost thinkin 'i cant handle it' but that would be false. gd gives ya what ye can handle. right. (ma kinda right) but then He also gives you rechovots number to help you out. right. (again ma kinda right). so why am i stressin? cuz its so huge and ive never dealt with these kinda things before. thank gd!! (and 'dealt' reminds me that there is no word in the english dictionary that rhymes with 'dreamt'. and if you find one, well sue snapple facts. i think it was them)

24 comments:

the sabra said...

ha this reminds me of my 'waitin for sonny' post

chanie said...

it sounds like ur pretty stressed out....hope it turns out for the visible good! g'luck!

mmg said...

dreemt ?
farkreemt?
kinda ?
if you change it abit.

ma said...

definetly do NOT get a blog.
uh uh honey not good.

Avi said...

No no. Get one. Very good. And much luck on much relaxation.

Pey Samech: If you use dreamed - the more common American past-tense of Choolim, you'll have less of an issue. In this regard that is.

ma said...

Excuse me mr.avi are you encouraging the hepech of kibud aim?

Avi said...

Ken Zein. Mistameh nisht.

aliza said...

isn't this a blog? why am i confused

words that rhyme with dreamt:

contempt
attempt
pre-empt
exempt
tempt
unkempt

Avi said...

Farklempt.

the sabra said...

k so maybe it was 'month' that had no rhymin partner

the sabra said...

and chanie, neat brocha, thanks.
and avi, there will be no more encouraging of unkibbudike behavior towards aims.

Avi said...

F'sure not. As a matter of fact, my Aim found my blog just a day or two ago and was kind enough not to ask me to stop it. It would have been sorely missed by me. Missed. I would have minded. It wouldn't have been my first choice. I could've handled it. It wouldn't have bothered me so much. It would've been kinda nice. I sorta wish she HAD asked. I think maybe she'll still ask...

Esther said...

I totally don't believe in that. Sometimes people get things they can't handle. Thats why they have nervous breakdowns or depression, etc. But sweetheart, this isn't one of those things. You don't have to feel responsible for all the world's problems!

Scraps said...

(((hugs)))

I don't know what else to say.

the sabra said...

esther-
not true. nemo find us the possuk that says that hashem only gives one what they can handle.
es, depression or breakdown is in mans hands. they DID have the capabilities and strength to overcome their challenge. they chose not to.

re ur last line-its a close friend.

scraps-
thanks for never givin stupid advice. do appreciate that.

avi-
ur mishug

Scraps said...

You're welcome. I've suffered through my share of stupid (though well-meant) advice, so I've learned that sometimes it's uncalled for and/or unwelcome.

Esther said...

I know, I know, I ALWAYS give you stupid advice... Or smart advice. Usually smart advice ;).

Pimplesoflife said...

hey chava i finaly figured out ... yayy im soo smart!!!

nemo wannabe (not) said...

"Ain Hakadosh B"H ba Betrunya Im Briyosov..."

(See the first Ma'amer of the Frierdike Rebbe in Sefer Ma'marim Yiddish for a discussion on the topic)

anonym00kie said...

SABRAAAAaa i sooooo disagree
" .. depression or breakdown is in mans hands. they DID have the capabilities and strength to overcome their challenge. they chose not to."

HUH?!
how about the depression or breakdown -IS- the challegne they were given. Of course they can handle the depression, cuz g-d only gives us what we can handle, but handling depression doesnt mean getting rid of it or avoiding it.. it means handling it!!! (ie: therapy, meds, prayer..)

mabye you confused depressed with despair..?

come running said...

the only word that can't be rhymed with is orange.

afroson said...

sabra the more stress you have now before the call,
the more proud of yourself your gonna be after the call

stam
and the only word you cant rhyme is spa

so ha!

Avi said...

And Apple.

So... Snapple!

the sabra said...

scraps n esther n pimples-
hi :)

nemo wanna be (so yes)*-
toads loads

anonymook-
ya maybe we just misunderstandin cuz of the wordin. my point is that if u are faced w/ a challenge in life-anything u have to deal with, overcome, ignore etc-that means u have the strength to and that u have no excuse to fall into despair or depression. you cannot say 'this is too much for me, lemme go n hide under my covers' uh uh. gd gave it to you cuz He knows u can do it. (incidentally, just learnin how all mitzvos are shayach to us and we have koach to do em for the mere fact that hashem gave em to us)

oh, and guess what? i have officially accepted and confirmed ur 'minimum' advice. so thanks again!

come running-
(dont think ur gonna come back n check this but...)
nuh uh
whattabout borange? and exlorange?

afroson-
u are too witty for me to answer back to. (and yes, thanks for encouragin me to call...and no we still didn't talk about it in person..nu nu)

avi-
please don't write things on my blog that don't make sense.

-one minute later bursts out in hysterical giggles-


* that so sounds like a Do.Be. name..is it?