Thursday, April 27, 2006

a chossid

black n white cookies, penguins, freshly printed report, a dizzying whirl, uneaten jellybeans in a china dish, ink smudge on a wedding gown, black n white photo, a burnt out candle, saved blog entry draft, a zebra, white knife in chocolate brownies, button down shirt after basketball, leaflet, 'yisrael b'libi' wristband, back of a used sticker, album l'chagigot siyum harambam and a dirty shmatta!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

a-z meme (im it!)

They're after me!!! Scraps (the patchworkgirl) tagged me. i run and run and they still manage to find me. what is it with this society? why cant- ok breathe sabra, breathe. stop imagining things. whats with you? so you've been tagged. ok, big deal.

The MEME (what does that mean anyhow??) of A through Z. (apikorsim what happened to the aleph beis?)

Accent: Eh, when i wanting to impress dee americahns, i ken speak of a good accent of a eenglish.

Booze: ya, that's what i give it- a whole buncha boo's!

Chore I Hate: In a good mood, none. In a bad mood, even shutting the door.

Dogs/Cats: what, its raining?

Essential Electronics: pelephone. i think zehu. and even thats not so important.

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: considering i havent sampled EVERY perfume and cologne, i am not qualified to say which is my favorite. the ones i own, however, are Burberry London, 212 Sexy, and Deep. now, has this knowledge improved your life in any which way??

Gold/Silver: my teeth?

Hometown: ani yodaat? every set of parents give me a different story...and then again, i feel so at home in ALL of israel so...

Insomnia: how can i sleep in the land that my forefathers received as a gift and now its an inheritance to all jews?

Job Title: Tzabarit, obviously. all day i work hard on my sabraness.

Kids: kids kids, im telling you..the things they do...in my days, we would never do such things! nowadays, the kids are so spoiled and don't appreciate anything you do for them. and why should u be doing for kids? in my days, the kids did for the parents. now everything is upside down..kids, kids....

Living Arrangements: right now im trying to evict one of the little characters living in my heart, as a matter of fact

Most Admired Trait: Humility

Number of sexual partners: i shall not comment. i will leave this answer blank. i will not deign to even respond with a negative or sarcastic reply. i will just ignore this question completely.

Overnight Hospital Stays: when i had triplets. ha scared ya. twas only twins.

Phobia: ha, you gonna blackmail me with this one, im not stupid!

Quote: "Don't do onto others what you wouldn't want done onto you" (from Hillel) and "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious" and "At the end of the game, both the king and the pawn go back into the same box"

Religion: im a jew and im proud and ill say it out loud cuz forever that's what ill be.

Siblings: what about them? i should maybe read you their diaries?

Time I usually wake up: there's no such thing as 'usually' in the life of a mossad agent.

Unusual Talent: um seems like everything i do is 'unusual', 'weird', 'different'...(shrug)

Vegetable I refuse to eat: ariel sharon. haha. (ok ok so i cheated from s.j.)

Worst Habit: showing off after i kill arab terrorists

X-Rays: too many but shush-sore topic with the mum...but hey at least last year chanukah there was a chatich doctor involved (gasp)

Yummy Foods I Make: ALL food i make is yummy (dorky word). if it wouldn't be , i wouldnt make it. nachon?

Zodiac Sign: SHOR!

aha, and you thought that a sabra was just a cactus, ah?

(thanks scraps, flattered.)

Tov, I now hereby tag nemo, wandering, chasidishe shaigitz and lady-light.

*apparently i have also been tagged by smb

reachin high (away from chocolate)

when i feel depressed that im fat, i reach for chocolate.
when my stomach hurts, i reach for chocolate.
when i have a splitting headache, i reach for chocolate.
when i feel out of control, i reach for chocolate.

think about this for a minute, will ya?

eating chocolate makes me fat,
gives me a stomach-ache,
makes my head hurt
and leaves me feeling out of control.

does it make sense that i reach for chocolate in the above instances?

no
a thousand times no

just before, i was about to reach for chocolate and then i stopped.

why?
not because i was worried about getting fat, a stomach or head ache or feeling a loss of self-control.

i stopped because it was a tayvah.
and the rebbe* said that the only way to break a tayvah is to beat it like you would a dog, with a stick.
not to reason or think or debate or cajole or persuade
just beat it

so tonight, instead of reachin for the chocolate, i reached high instead

thank you rebbe


*don't remember which maamar i learned that in. i think it was even a quote from the rebbe rayatz. i'd appreciate if someone can help me out with that one. im sure it is quoted more than once.

Monday, April 24, 2006

help a fellow jew

Ok so this fellow jew, yossi, (who has the same Jonathon Pollard pin/sticker as I do) needs help. (Don't we all??) Apparently he needs our tefillot as well as our cash to help him sneak into amona and smash more magavnikims' noses. Something like that. (kiddin kiddin, tiraga) Read more bout it here. Seriously though, its serious.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

ooh i love israaaaaaael

An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down.
Surprised as he was, he didn't say anything feeling himself a "guest" and not wanting to make waves. The trip continued without event until the next intersection. This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt.
Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver. "Listen." he says, "When you went through the red light, I didn't say anything. But why on earth are you stopping at a green light?"
The Israeli driver looks at him as if the American was deranged: "Are you crazy?!", he shouts. "The other guy has a red light! Do you want to get us killed?"

gathering of personalities

How interesting. How unsettling.

This year, instead of a gathering of persons, a gathering of personalities took place.
Instead of relationships and conversations between us, there was only a play of traits involved. Selfish ignored the wants of Needy. Cruel teased Low-Self Esteem. Jolly took care of Hungry. Lazy vacuumed (!). Stingy set the table. for one.

And so on and so forth.

It unnerved me.
Imagine seeing images instead of humans.
Picturing psychology book descriptions instead of true feelings.

Ich.

I don't like seeing the characterstics. I wanna see the characters. I miss the old way.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Why I Miss Israel

I want my brain back!
I want to come home exhausted after doing 'nothing' all day.
I want to feel exhilirated after a thrilling conversation with a stranger.
I want to stay awake all night, guilty that I have a home and my friends from the Gush don't.
I want to talk to Hashem, out loud.
I want to talk to myself in public, without a care.
I want to emotionally wreck myself up, trying to find myself.
I want to see that all Jews are brothers.
I want to, as nemo says, go to the beach and the kotel the same day.
I want to go to the beach and feel the holiness of the kotel.
I want to go to the kotel and see the people from the beach.
I want to be awed as I walk on the paths of our avot.
I want to make mistakes in hebrew so I can learn a new language.
I want to stare at every soldier I see.
I want to think, think, think.
I want my brain back!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

how'd that happen?

it never really did anything to me, didn't think much of it either way. it was just a part of life. so.

and now it weirds me out. makes me uncomfortable. so?

grow up? not sure its a matter of immaturity. so...?

see it as a blessing. a gift. so thanks.

why am i not in chevron?

three stanzas, lookin for singleton road and then in the wind before conversing with the barak but that's not important

I sit on my bed
a tear in my heart.
I dont know how to handle
being so far apart
From chevron
the place i call home
Oh, when not in chevron
I feel so alone

Cuz when I'm in chevron
I feel at peace
And when I'm in chevron
all my struggles cease
Chevron is my truth
sought after and found
With chevron and its people
I'm eternally bound.

And my soul thirsts
And my soul cries
My soul yearns
And my soul pines


To be in chevron
Ir Ha'avot
To be in chevron
My heart, my home


Avraham bought the maarah
for Sarah his wife
This purchase summed up
the essence of her life
Yitzchok Avinu, Yaakov his son, too
Rivkah & Leah, Adam & Chava

Are all buried there
Each one has their pair
And now when jews daven
around the world everywhere,
Their tefillos go to
gan eden only through
chevron ir hakodesh
believe me, its true

And when I'm in chevron...

The streets have their blood
but not their fear
They lead simple lives
yet the plaques can bear
witness to their will, their burning love, their care.
Yes, only tzaddikim are living there!

So when I'm in Chevron..

so i screwed up the niggun a bit. nu nu.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

a few hours before i left

why i dont miss israel

My hand doesnt have to strain anymore to kiss all those mezuzahs all over the place
I don't have to shlep my camera with me everywhere, all the time!
I stopped eating all those fattening israeli foods-shwarma, falafel and all that ice cream...
I am not exhausted from staying up all night listening to a soldiers account of his refusal to expel jews from their homes
No more nosy and noisy people shouting at you for not wearing a coat in this freezing weather!
There are no well-meaning but oh so irritating Jews offerring you candles, brochures, help or knowledge.
I can earn so much more money now. Enough to plan a vacation sometime next year. Somewhere exciting. Maybe Israel? Maybe India?

And finally, it's quite a relief to to be in a country where everyone speaks the same language!



[snort]

Monday, April 03, 2006

oyyy i miss israel

shmulik- mushka and shterna, now those are such russian names. shterna has the yiddishe taam though.
kfri-what do i need to name my children such names? i will call them israeli names, not jewish ones
shmulik-what do you mean??
kfir-im israeli, not jewish
shmulik-ma pitom??? chalila!! how can you even talk like that kfir??
kfir-ok ok im israeli. and i happen to be jewish.
shmulik-no no, you are jewish and you happen to be israeli
tal-i don' t care what or who i am, i just want the sun and sea
kfir-listen, fine i am jewish and israeli the same. and i still want that american passport.
shmulik-oy you with your passport! what good did your italian one do for you??
kfir-listen, i dont like italy. but america...
all eyes on the sabra. jealous, questioning, curious eyes.
sabra-listen, im jewish. thats the ikkar. nu i happen to be american, living in israel, visiting england..that doesnt matter
shmulik-what are u looking for exactly, kfir? the weather there is snow up to here, at least.
sabra-actually uh no. tis nice weather all year around. sunny, but not like lod.
tal-wait a second! where you live there is sun all year round???
kfir-if i can just get a visa and get to s francisco to visit my family...
shmulik (eyes and hands raised heavenward)-elokim! send kfir a righteous and pretty wife!
everyone-amen!
kfir-righteous yes, but pretty? not necessary
shmulik-but you are good looking kfir!
kfir-that is true but its still not necessary
sabra (laughing and laughing and laughing) oy i just love israelis
tal-you know, chabadnikim are so racist. (ten minute nonsensical frustrated monologue, or rather shoutalogue when kfir and shmulik join in) you would never let your daughter marry a chiloni!
kfir-and say i would be chozer b'teshuva. i am NOT saying i am. but bo nagid, that i WOULD...i would be considered sug bet and i would be given another sug bet-a chozeret b'teshuva, or a divorcee.
tal-i don't care about any of these things, i just want to be in a place with sun and sea
kfir-ya and chashish
tal-no no, not necessary. just sun.
kfir and tal-yisroel! come with us to sinai!
yisroel-what do you have in sinai anyhow?
tal-the sun!
kfir-no b'emet, come with us yisroel
sabra-i wanna!
kfir or yisroel or shmulik-you know, tal, there are many that consider even YOU a mitnachel!
kfir-mizkenim, those mitnachalim. a regular kid can go to the store and buy a candy and zehu. but they, they have to wait for trempim and..
shmulik and sabra-that's what's important in life?
yisroel-you know, since you got that haircut shmulik, you've been thinking and talking like a professor
kfir-ahh you go to amos for haircuts, nachon? every time i'm there we talk about the new building and...
yisroel-wait a second, how often do you go?
kfir-no no, i go to visit him. stam. when im in the area.
tal-ha! him, rami and steve still think we are working in IsraGuard
kfir-well he won't realize till about another month when he realizes that we didnt complain about not getting paid
sabra-wait, whats IsraGuard again?
kfir-its a special unit of the army
tal-israelis come to chutz l'aretz
kfir-and they do special important work
tal-its top secret
kfir-and they guard special places
tal-and its really important
kfir-and only unique people can do it
tal-and everyone wants the job
kfir-and its everything we said except the 'special unit' part
tal-and the important part
kfir-and unique
tal-and everyone wanting the job
kfir-and the top secret part. but everything else is true.
sabra-oh
tal-so who is coming with us to sinai?

oof this convo went on and on...for more than 3 hours....with me laughing tremendously hard for most of it, but of course, i can't write it all. well, of course i CAN but i choose not to.