Sunday, December 31, 2006

Israel got a sechel transplant?


The Wicked Lamb

From the parables of the Maggid of Dubna (Rabbi Yaakov Krantz, 1741-1804)/

It was a time of trouble and sorrow in the animal kingdom. A terrible plague was decimating the denizens of the forest, with the number of the sick and the dead rising from day to day.

A royal proclamation was issued, and all the animals, large and small, were commanded to assemble in the great clearing in the middle of the forest. The lion, king of the beasts, then addressed his subjects:

"Brothers and sisters!" the king roared. "A great punishment has been visited upon us from Above. We must root out the sinners amongst us, before we all perish. We must each search our hearts and confess our sins, so we should know who is the cause of this calamity."

His royal highness set the example by being the first to bare his soul. "The other day I killed a man. I was patrolling the boundaries of my kingdom, my heart heavy with the burdens of my high office, when I encountered our two-legged master and pounced upon him... I have sinned, and you must pass judgment upon me for my crime."

"Your highness!" cried the all the animals. "Who can blame a noble leader, if while distressed and distracted by the great responsibilities he bears, lashes out unwittingly? Surely you are forgiven for your transgression."

Next spoke the wolf: "I, too, have a sin to confess. The other day, as I prowled the edge of the forest with hunger in my belly, I chanced upon a she-goat and her kid nibbling the flowers of the meadow. I tore out their throats, killing both mother and child, though even one animal was more than I could eat..."

"True, you have sinned," replied the animals, "but certainly you must be forgiven for your lapse, since your hunger clouded your thinking."

And so it went. One after the other, the predator of the forest confessed their carnage and thievery. One after the other, the council of animals absolved them of their crimes due to mitigating circumstances.

Then the sheep spoke. "I, too, have committed a crime. The other day, I was very hungry; for some reason, my master had neglected to take me out to the pasture. So I ate the bit of straw that my master puts in his shoes, so that his feet should not rub against the hard leather."

"How dared you!" roared the lion.

"Thief!" hissed the snake.

"Criminal! Sinner!" cried all the animals as they pounced upon the wicked lamb and tore her to pieces.

יונתן השפן

כבר מתגעגעת...ואיך

Thursday, December 28, 2006

"....and you know, the ones who gave us the most strength were the chabadnikim, they didn't tell us-'oh, you gotta be strong-his neshama is in a much better place now and being sad will not do good for him...' No, they told us 'cry out to hashem! its not right! we need to have moshiach already, enough of all these tzaros. enough of all these tests from hashem!'. You know, they really felt our pain. It was like, it was like they were family."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

we talk about heavy topics so it should seem light
we don't mock, we don't laugh, we don't lighten
but the talking alone lightens the load
lightens the life
lightens the soul
It may be that Dumah announces all forthcoming soul arrivals.
I think that freaks me out a bit.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ye vagabond

Ye wanted my blessing
Ye looked so innocent, ye did
So ye sneezed twice
Twice, ye sneezed
To garner my blessing

Ye vagabond
Ye s0ulless vagabond

Ye acted as if ye were readin the newspaper
Yeh, acted I say
I saw through
I saw through that, ye vagabond
Ye soulless vagabond

Ye cough. Ye ask for water.
Shred the script, I say.

Vagabond, vagabond, vagabond.

Unless of course, yer soul was
the innocent, and twas
mine that had been

ya frenchie, ye aint foolin me. not one bit. i know ur tricks. now bug off and remember the lime. and ur lack of respect. and my utter repulsion to it. oh and happy chanukah. race ya to the gan.

Part One Of The 'al tishali oti' Theory

Y'know those puzzles where u are given a word and then by changin one letter at a time you get to a new one? like eat, cat, car, tar....

so thats my blog

Imagine you write up a whole paper on something dear to you and then some ginger tea spills all over it. You show the paper to a friend who looks at it, looks at you, looks at it and proclaims 'ur nuts! this makes no sense!'

so thats my blog

Filling out a crossword puzzle...genius not much-you have the clues...yea you gotta work to figure it out but yo, you aint startin from scratch...your conclusion is perfectly logical

so thats my blog

bottom lines sum up a conversation

so thats my blog

and thats it for now. stay tuned for Part Two Of The 'al tishali oti' Theory. because you asked.


No Thoughts

(well that's not completely honest. the second time around i dwelled a bit on the no thoughts of the preeve)

Monday, December 18, 2006

She looked back.
"Achitov", she said, "bye".
He at once raised his hand in salute.
He nodded his farewell to her.
She left.
She wasn't sad.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

shaving cream vs cologne

shaving cream wins for power

it's good to be back

its good to be back
i can read the signs and understand the conversations
its good to be back

ye its good to be back
the street lights are cozy, the highways are near family
the houses are mine and the store fronts are winking
ye its good to be back

oh, its good to be back
colored toilet paper, familiar hand soap
garbage bin placement, sellstuprunig
oh, its good to be back

ahh its good to be back
to see the food and drink
to buy the food and drink
and of course, to indulge in the food and drink
ahh its good to be back

sure is good to be back
my language
my food
my sights
my people
my family
my surroundings
sure is good to be back

so it really is good to be back...but i'm still so far away...

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Walllllla don't tell me this aint the coolest thing you've seen tonight!

(oh and please don't forget...)

gam l'chaveirim omrim todah....

"You talk to me about life, about my friends, you help me with the language...thank you so much!!"
"Why do you keep thanking me for talking to you and helping you out? You think I do it to be nice? Cuz I feel bad for you? I talk to you cuz you are my friend, so chill out and stop thanking me!"
"I know we are friends, but even to friends you gotta say 'thank you'"

That line has warmed my heart to an unimaginable degree. Thanks ;)

Friday, December 08, 2006

yud tes kislev farbies in eretz yisrael

click the title to find em

more thursday stuff

Bibi netanyahu has a blog heehee----the chassidus i learned in 4th grade has helped shape the sabra i am today-oof zei heib shoin mit dee gas masks oy----"what should we do tonight" "the same thing we do every night, sabra-take over the worldddd" LOL----the lemon gum tastes like it fell into a soapy dish. i eat it anyhow cuz a) it's mine and b) it's new and c) it's sababa and d) i like soap and e) its free (i already paid for it, so now it's free) and f) there is no f. hey that reminds me of the elephant in a safeway bag joke. hehe and how shua got us both hehe.----a kid was saying 'baaa baaa' today and i thought she was whining. she was merely imitating a sheep. listen to kids, ok?----watched pots do boil. and they don't take any longer to boil than the unwatched pots do. ----the school days go by so much faster now than they did 10 years ago.----spontaneity is rivaled by neither barbara nor one-meal options----Baker + Hamilton + their chochmas = sakanos nefashos----uzacious memories grabbed my heart just before. in a good way kind of. yknow like homesickness does.----i must put out my 'all kids have special needs' booklet already.----a person comes into this world for 70 or 80 years just to do a favor for another. think bout that next time you refuse to walk someone home or bake challah for them.

thursday night means home from the army :)

So we sit down today for lunch and she picks up her cup and says 'here we go-my first drink of the day'. I realize that I too had not had anything to drink yet so I reached for my plastic cup and filled it with water. As I'm drinking, she tells me -"Y'know, the Rambam says not to drink while you eat.." I cut her off "ya and to refrain from drinking durin the half hour before as well as the half hour after eating". "Right", says she. Then she picks up her cup and continues drinking. I also picked up my cup but as I was about to tip it into my mouth, my hand froze (no, not literally you silly goose). I don't get you, I said to myself-You just discussed a coupla nanoseconds ago, out loud, that the Rambam said it's not good to drink durin a meal and yet you are going ahead and drinking anyhow. Mah karah lach, tembelit!?
How senseless I am...


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Please please please-

Please can you say Tehillim for Shaul ben Shoshana (שאול בן שושנה) ?
He is my friend's uncle, a middle aged Jew, who recently suffered from a brain stroke.
He has children aged 17, 13, 10-and even younger...
Please please please say Tehillim and/or do something that will tip the scales to the side of the good so that he (and everyone who needs it!) can have a refuah shleima-a complete recovery...and fast!
Thank you.
May we hear good news.

Perek 20 of Tehillim: Hebrew, English

Surprisingly, it doesn't bother me anymore.
(the convo we had that night, that street)

Yaaaay! Baruch Havaya.

And better, even way better is that soon, The Four will reunite as before and our mouths will fill with laughter.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

They laughed when I asked her "Actually, who has time to read anyhow?" and explained, " we have to be mekabel pnei moshiach tzidkeinu" and concluded, "I'm thinkin I should just leave the book here."

They laughed cuz they thought the sabra was just being funny...being sarcastic...maybe showing off?

Or maybe they laughed cuz they felt uncomfortable...cuz they know it's true...cuz it hurts?

But I was serious. I was serious when I said it's pointless to borrow 'stam' books now. I have no time to read it. I can't read it. When should I read it? If I'm sitting down to read something, should it not be chassidus?

How can I sit down to stam read when times are so tense? Moshiach is standing at the threshold, 'ut ut koomt moshiach' and I'm reading stam? The F"R said that we are like soldiers waiting to greet our general. We all are standing in a line, ready and waiting. The only thing left to do is to polish the buttons of our uniform. Came our Rebbe, and said-The buttons have been polished! All the nitzutzim have been mevarer already. There is nothing left to do.
Ah so why is Moshiach not here? Ani Yodaaaaat...?? Moshiach, our general, is about to come in-the soldiers are standing stiffly at attention. They are excited and not surprisingly, a bit anxious-they have been preparing for this moment since they have joined the army! To greet their general and make him proud.
So that's our job now, said the Rebbe-we need to be "mikabel pnei Moshiach Tzidkeinu". That's all. We simply need to greet our General.
How can we do that? The Rebbe gave us plenty of hora'os, plenty of instructions-and don't forget, its now in our hands. The Rebbe told us that he's giving it to us.
I got chills when I heard the words of the Rebbe that everything he has done until now has been for naught, for moshiach is still not here. We need to get out of our golus pnimi. Forget world darkness-each one of us is harboring our own chunk of darkness and falsity. Get rid of that and then ye can start sniffin out ur window for Geula.
Ach I don't like that-I want the other way around, the easier one. The one where Hashem brings geula to the world and then by default our harbored chunks crumble and disappear. But who asked my opinion? And the crazy thing is that it's for our own good this way. Hashem only does what's good for us. Yet, we are still told to cry 'ad mosai', to demand from hashem to take us out of this bitter bitter golus. But oy, listen to what the Rebbe says! The rebbe says that even when we DO cry out ad mosai, even when we shout it to the heavens while our tears fall to the ground; even when we bang our hearts with our fists while we hug our fellow with out arms-even then, our ad mosai is not sincere. Rather it is cried out because we have been told to. Because we know that's what the Rebbe expects from us.
REBBE!!! How can you say that?!?! What more do you want from us??? You yourself said you cannot do any more, you yourself said you don't know why Moshiach has not come yet!! What can we do???? It's not fair, Rebbe! We are nothings, we are nobodys. But Rebbe we've done so much, worked so hard. We've conquered countries, built empires, Rebbe! Rebbe why'd you go? We never thought you'd leave. It doesn't change my avodah now, it doesn't. You are part of my life now as you were then. Now that I've grown older and even grown up in some ways, now you are even more a part of my life. Or rather, I feel it more. Cuz for you, it never changed. Listen, I don't complain and give excuses-Oh I didn't grow up with it. I didn't go to farbrengens when I was young. I don't have the same memories like everyone else. I don't know the Rebbe like they all do-they, those mashpi'im, those rebbetzins, those women, those speakers, those bochurim, those fathers, those uncles, those teachers. I have the Rebbe just like they do. I don't complain. I am happy that they got to see you and hear from your mouth directly, but Rebbe, I know that where I am is Hashgocha Pratis. If Hashem would have wanted me to grow up with it as they have, so I would have. No, my problem is not that you are not with me physically, no that's not it. My problem is that we are still in golus. And i know that even though you said that you are giving it over to us, I know that you are working even harder now on our behalf. Cuz duh, we are your children. I know it. But it's so hard.

I feel the tension. I was so caught up in his words that the dining room faded and I think I was sliding off my chair. He knew all the answers. But funny thing is, funny thing is that he's still in golus as well. Funny. Ha.

It's not funny, no. It's serious. It's serious and it's scary.

So I don't understand why they were laughing.
I really don't.
Do they not realize that the general is coming? Do they honestly think they can cram in a few chapters while they wait? Are they not nervous? Do they not hear his footsteps? Do they not believe it?

I'm nervous. I'm so nervous when I'm aware.

I'm trying to stay aware all the time.

I'm not laughing.

Monday, December 04, 2006

hero of the season

look at these faces

i look at each face and then read the name
i look at each face and then read the age
i look at each face and then read the hometown
i look at each face and read and read and read

i look at each face and think of the parents
i look at each face and think of the siblings
i look at each face and think of the friends
i look at each face and think and think and think

i look at each face and stare at the eyes
i look at each face and stare at the smile
i look at each face and stare at the expression
i look at each face and stare and stare and stare

i look at each face and picture the house
i look at each face and picture the school
i look at each face and picture the synagogue
i look at each face and picture and picture and picture

i look at each face and imagine the life
i look at each face and imagine the aspirations
i look at each face and imagine the fears
i look at each face and imagine the secrets
i look at each face and imagine the disappointments
i look at each face and imagine the humor
i look at each face and imagine the hopes
i look at each face and imagine the heroes
i look at each face and imagine the struggles
i look at each face and imagine the victories
i look at each face and imagine the knowledge
i look at each face and imagine and imagine and imagine

i look at each face and feel so scared
i look at each face and feel so sad
i look at each face and feel so angry
i look at each face and feel so grateful
i look at each face and feel and feel and feel

i look at each face and know they've moved on and up
i look at each face and know we'll be comforted
i look at each face and know they're with G-d
i look at each face and know we'll be with these holy tzaddikim so soon
i look at each face and know they've achieved the highest of highs

i look at each face and yet knowing all that, the hurt still stays; for i am looking at these faces and reading and thinking and staring and picturing and imagining and feeling.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Times of Label #4

They put on your boots wrong, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't realize.

They left you crying by the window, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't care.

They didn't hold your hand, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't notice.

They didn't ask you which song you like, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don''t bother.

They called me away for 'just 10 minutes', Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry that I left you with them.

And even more, I'm sorry I can never leave you with them again.

29 students and a professor

A professor once walked into a room where 29 of his students sat.
He said the word 'house'.
That's all he did; he just looked at them and said the word 'house'.

Their immediate reactions?

One student got to work on a thesis paper which covered how a home differs from a house.
One student took out some pieces of charcoal and began drawing a house.
One student wondered what it would be like to be a house.
One student wrote about what it would be like to be a house.
One student walked over to the corner of the room and declared the space as his new house.
One student anagrammed the word 'house'.
One student took out a Tanach and referenced all the places where the word 'house' is mentioned.
One student ran out of the room shrieking-he thought the professor said 'mouse'.
One student carved a model house out of an apple.
One student destroyed the model house. (he was hungry)
One student drafted a complaint letter to the dean regarding the usual ambiguity of the professor.
One student presented a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student accepted a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student refused a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student recorded the challenge and the proceeding debate on the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student fell asleep-houses are a boring topic.
One student composed lyrics to a new song entitled 'house'.
One student composed a melody to a new song entitled 'house'.
One student wrote a paper on housical ethics.
One student burst out in sudden tears-he had no house.
One student squashed an ant that was on the way to its house.
One student pulled out a laptop and began blogging about houses.
One student wrote an essay which compared and contrasted the interior and the exterior of a house.
One student sat, arms folded, and waited for the professor to announce the day's assignment.
One student wrote of a long history of Jews being forced out of their houses.
One student described the different houses that are lived in, worldwide.
One student resolved that when he would be a professor, he too will start each lesson by announcing the word 'house'.
One student theorized as to how a house's temperature can affect a persons social skills.
One student researched the history of houses and how they evolved into what they are today.

Now not only am I all 29 students....I am the professor, as well.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Times of Label #3

They say to treat special needs kids as if they were regular kids.
I say to treat regular kids as if they were special needs.