Friday, September 22, 2006

* QUEEN OF THE HUDSON HEADLINES *

POUGHKEEPSIE'S MAYOR, NANCY J. COZEAN, STARES WITH WONDER and dismay at the ghost town that has once been the 'Queen City of the Hudson'. As of late Thursday night, Sept 21, (corresponding to the Hebrew date of Elul 28), residents have begun packing their essential belongings and fleeing the city. At first thought to be an isolated incident, when 29 families traveled together from the Ruoflab neighborhood, this gradual mass exodus has prompted some urgent investigation.

Speaking with some of the nosy Chabadnikim in the area has shed some light on this mystery. "I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the Zach guard coming to town, though I don't know how everyone has found out about it so quickly" says Chatan from Peppermintville. "Maybe through his blog?", suggests his mother.

Residents are apparently frightened from the Zach guard due to his infamous monotonous voice that sends listeners either to heaven or to azazel, depending on their occupation-taxi driver or rabbi. Regardless of their destination once they leave this world, Poughkeepsie's residents would rather choose the option of life. So, as they near the High Holidays and are given the chance for a clean slate, many have opted to exchange their previous content lifestyle in the Dutchess county to one in the Mid-East where they are confident that they will not be interrupted by visits from bothersome and daring bochurs.

"Anything is better than dealing with the Zach guard", confided the sabra. "His voice is positively frightening. I recently came in contact with him and the trauma I have experienced will leave me scarred for a long time". The Sabra, who normally does not answer questions, has surprisingly agreed to participate in a short interview regarding her multilingual talents and her life as a child. (ed note: sorry guys, I had to cut the interview out, however, it can be found at queenofthehudson.com/nirahlecha).

DP, a friend of the Zach guard, admits to having leaked the secret. "I needed cash", he confessed, "and I knew the sabra would pay for this kind of information. She's funny like that. Yknow, winepicking and all."

All in all, it has been a beery bizarre experience, but Mayor Cozean is comforted by the well known saying, 'A dare is a dare, and if there's a will, there's a way".

11 comments:

Pragmatician said...

you write mysteriously Sabra.

the sabra said...

o but prag, this is the least cryptic post of em all!

amom said...

do you think it has to do with the smell of beer on this zach.. guard's breath??

wow said...

very very very funny. you do work for the mosad , dont you.

Dovid said...

Ha! That is very, very funny. (and I like the way you just dump the blame on me. Now the zach is on my case.
Shana tova.

Anonymous said...

dovid- i guess thats what happens when you're buddies with a shaigetz......

the sabra said...

the sabra:
crackin her self up over here nhehehe

Zach said...

Zach thinks your all nuts

the sabra said...

remind us to tell you when we care what the zach thinks.

the sabra said...

Oy this was too too funny :D

the sabra said...

Hehehe oy I'm so good :D

Hayu yamimmmmmmm