Friday, June 16, 2006

my soulburn

The week before last, I had a sunburn.
This week, a soulburn.
And while the sunburn I tried to cool with creams n lotions,
My soulburn I am fighting to keep burning.
Tryin to fan the flames, spread the sparks, live the heat.
You see, its a real burn.
So real, tis not visible to the naked eye.
The fiery heat, yes; the burn, no.
This one painful and this one painful.
That one didn't leave me alone, and this one doesn't leave me alone.
Yet, the sunburn was a result of my negligence and the soulburn of care and love.
There was a tragedy.
However you wanna view it, however you see it, there was a tragedy.
My coolness melts away in an instant-the heat is taking over.
The sparks are there. And noticeable.
Took the flame, the burning soul, and ignited a few others.
(A precaution against a possible sudden wind.)
Mercifully, fire only increases when spread, and does not diminish.
We thus set out, burning with passion & justice on a fiery mission to right the wrong.
A child no more.
I shake.
I clench.
I scream.
Piercing and soundless, simultaneously.
I sweat.
I boil.
I burn.
I turn to--
Wait. Must be good. Comes from He.
Fine.
But, the fire?
The fire remains.
Fine.
Simply redirect, know where to shoot.
Aim faya. Aim faya.
[Pause to smile]
Yes!
Now time to warm and ignite all souls. Use a blinding light.
A coin, a bread, a cup, a box, a parchment, a prayer.
All fuel.
Powerful fuel.
Fuel that ignite even the coldest of souls.
A healthy positive fuel.
A fuel of comfort.
A fuel born from the soulburn of my own.

30 comments:

Mimi said...
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Mimi said...

"You see, its a real burn. So real, tis not visible to the naked eye."

I like that line. The not seeing it making it more real. Yup.

And I dig the sunburn/SOULburn idea and contrast.

Thanks, Sabra. For sharing your "faya."

the sabra said...

actually think i might take this down. had it written a few days ago and now i thought i was finally strong enough to post it.
but maybe not.

appreciate your words, mimi.

(the contrast came to me while i was in the shower and i noticed that my atrocious sunburn was fadin..and it hit me that in place my soul is burnin)

kasamba said...

beautifully written.
The emotion you express is so raw, I can only hope that you heal soon.

s.J. said...

interesting concept.

but it seem there was also a similar fire of sorts burning in the people when the twin towers came down.

dunno if there's a connection or difference between the two, but it seems the soul can burn from many things.

wandering said...

Chava don't take it down. Keep the fire burning and keep lighting up the ppl around you. Coincidently it is very apropo with our parsha this week "bahaloscha es haneiros". Keep your soul burning strong and set us all on fire!
i love you!

aliza said...

great post chav. i'm with wandering.

Scraps said...

I really like it--please leave it up.

I also like the sunburn/soulburn contrast.

Mirror Image said...

I don't think you should take it down. It's beautifully written and inspirational...

Amara said...

Sun burning, wonder how that feels. I've never had to do it b/c I am dark and as much as I can, I stay away from the sun. Great blog u have

Nemo said...

Aim Faya?

Nemo said...

Oh, and I agree with the others... Great post.. inspirational, motivational, etc.

the sabra said...

kasamba:
Thank you.
I am slowly healing thru all the emails comin in to MakingReiziProud@gmail.com. But i know the real cure will only be with the arrival of moshiach, may he come tonight!

s.j.:
yes, the soul CAN burn as a result of a wide variety of events, emotions and brainwashing...thankfully my soul was burnin in order to do good. to light up the world with good.

wanderin:
walla i didnt even notice. (too busy burnin, eh?)
i think i love you more.

aliza:
thanks. (and thanks for not discussin this w/ me in 'real life')

scraps:
todah rabs. appreciate ur 'liking' of it :)

mirror image:
ye i think ive been convinced...thank you.

amara:
dont try it. dont dont try it.
thanks for visitin (and for complimentin) my blog.

nemo:
ol joke with sista of the 'soulburner' starter. from a lovely english zionistic host.
(just pretend you understand.)
o and like i said to the others-thanks, etc...

chanie said...

Don't take it down, it's beautiful. I hope you heal soon, but I hope that fire keeps burning and igniting others.

s.J. said...

god bless you. keep up the good work.

remchalamo said...

Wow i'm inspired... makes me wanna get my fire burning... please dont take this down... like wandering said "keep the fire burning"
moshiach achshav!

kasamba said...

Amen- I'm packing!

wishes outspoken said...

Hazor'im b'dimah b'rinah yiktzoru... May it be his will that the seeds that you've planted in so many hearts (bloggers and "real" people alike) with your tears should continue to grow and grow and grow until the day when we will forget all pain and sorrow...

I heard from a friend of Rabbi Rodal that he (the Rabbi) traveled to Canada to inform his mother -who is of 90+ years- of the terrible news. When he told her he spoke with great emunah, to which she responded "You speak like a Tzadik would, but I am just a Bubby.. and that is what I feel, what a Bubby feels....."

the sabra said...

AMEN!
i cant really express it, but i really like what you wrote. it really affected me. hope hashem reads blogs..and gets the message!

bout the bubby/tzadik story-you tryin to tell me something? or 'stam' sharing? either way is sababa, just not sure what the message is.

Pragmatician said...

Strong message.
Indeed if the fire has served no other purpose than to hurt then it's a lost opportunity to grow .

pint-sized said...

This is truly insightful and inspirational.

'It seem there was also a similar fire of sorts burning in the people when the twin towers came down.'

S.J., the fire burning in terorists is the fire of revenge, not of soul.

pint-sized said...
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Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...
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socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Wow very emotional. Good comparison.

yoniQua said...

nice job here.

Bonnie B said...

Your post makes my soul burn-- th emotion cuts deep. Very passionate.
A child lost-- just the thought makes my heart scream
A soundless scream-- is there any louder in our souls? It is the scream that hurts the most, feels the most and needs comfort the most. Use your anger to ignite goodness-- when it is so easy to do the opposite.

I love the mix of passion, anger and comfort-- it is so real.

Nemo said...

I'm impressed Sabra, so many random people visiting you here! You must have a lot of time on your hands to visit all of their blogs out there.

the sabra said...

chanie, sj, remchalamo:
thank you and amen.

pragmatician:
yes im hoping that people will feel the heat..and better yet become a lamplighter themselves.

pintsized, social worker, yoniqua:
thanks. see my message to prag...

bonnie b:
yes. it is quite 'real'. couldn't post it at first and even now i cant re-read it. i do burn with anger sometimes, rather than a burning drive to do good, and then i think about the uselessness of it. and even more so, the destructiveness. (whats that with anger and danger bein just one letter off?)

nemo:
they're just as random as you are.
and yes, i do have lots of time these days.
any more careful observations?

wishes outspoken said...

thanx sabra. some things need no expression...
regarding the story, the answer is gam vegam. i'm not sure myself what the message is, but i think it's the same idea like what the Rebbe said in 1992 after what happened to Mrs. Lapine regarding Hashem having nachas from the yidden's mesiras nefesh in golus.
basically, explanations are nice and fine, but the reality is that we are suffering and no interpretation can justify that.
like you said, i just hope one day soon Hashem gets the message.

Genendy said...

Great concept. Intersting...I also come up with many of my ideas for posts in the shower. :)