Wednesday, May 31, 2006


"and who is this in the corner?"
"its my sister, the one right above me"
"nice...and who is this girl in the other picture?"
"its her again"
"really? doesnt look like her"
"yep, thats her"
"recognize everyone from all the other pictures?"
"uh ya i think so...wait, who is this one in the back?"
"are you joking? its her again!"
"are you serious?? she looks so different in every picture!!"
"i know i know, unless you meet her and really get to know her, you wont recognize her easily just from some pictures"

And immediately I thought of our relationship towards G-d.

Sometimes we see a Kind G-d, sometimes a Harsh G-d, sometimes a G-d with a sense of humor, or a sense of understanding, and sometimes we simply think 'where is He??'.
But only someone who has gotten to know what Hashem is all about, someone who has studied chassidus and tried, limited though for he is merely a finite creation, to understand and perceive G-d as much as he is able to, only he can recognize G-d in every picture and in every situation.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

one rock of the shchem boulder

As we are about to begin our lengthy and courageous journey to Kever Yosef, located in Shchem, one girl cries out "Wait! I needa shave!".
Dancing eyebrows and tapping feet and then-
"I'm just being careful cuz its very possible that we'll get blown up or attacked by Arabs, so when the people, the soldiers come to rescue us and take us to the hospital maybe, I wanna make sure that I look presentable and shaved and I don't have to worry about anything."
After a pause, a couple girls joined her.

Strange, this place they call Holy.

(stay tuned for more on my kever yosef experience...yknow, the real stuff)

whatcha lookin at?

If I look at the small picture, then ya I'm doin stuff. Accomplishing. Activist. Woah. Big time.

But looking at the big picture, I'm doin zilch. Not moving any boulders. Not finding any cures. Not changing or doing nuttin.

So I refocused and looked at the even Bigger Picture and to my amazement, I discovered just how active I really was.

I gotta remember where to focus.

Monday, May 22, 2006

exclusively israel

#1- Walking along the beach near N've Dekalim, Gush Katif.

"Gosh, I've been here in Israel for 5 months already and this must be my 4th time or so, to the Gush and I still can't believe I'm here. I can't believe how lucky I am! And every day I wake up in Eretz Yisroel, go to a new place, visit a in awe and shock all over again. It's so weird that I still feel like this."

"Listen, I'm 22 years old and have lived in Gush Katif all my life...and I still can't believe it! I think I'm the luckiest girl alive every time I think of the zechus I have to be living in Eretz Yisroel for so long!"

#2- Israel. Jerusalem. Old City. Moslem Quarter. Shabbat Table.

"So, what made you move here? "

"What kind of question is that? This is the armon shel melech (palace of the king)! you hear? Armon shel melech!!! When I come to the Bet Din Shel Maalah (Heavenly Court), they will say to me - You want to go to Gan Eden? You want Olam Habba? You had your reward and olam habba down on earth! You lived right there! How dare you ask for more!?"

#3- Small Egged Bus. Crowded. Group of Israeli women singing "mishenichnas adar marbim b'simcha"

"Slicha, if all of you are singing together anyhow, do you mind saying a perek of tehillim for my friend who is sick?"

"Of course! Give me the name and we'll say it sometime tonight"
"Mah pitom!? We'll say it all together right now, as a group-what's the name?"
"Oysh, such a young girl...nebach..let's write it down also so we can remember her all the time"

(readers-again, another tehillim request...for a friend who has cancer...please do an extra good deed for Raizel bat Shaina Devora)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

o just another life lesson

I closed the running water, shut the faucet completely and walked out.

From the exclamations and shouts of surprised delight that filled the house soon after, I gathered that I had 'finally fixed the pipe'.

Huh? what pipe?

The faucet silly! Noone was able to shut it off completely for oh maybe 3 weeks now!

The pipe was broken?

Ya, duh!

Oh (looks down at reddened hands), I didn't even realize.

You're the strongest, sabra, and that's why you were the only one able to fix it even though you didn't know it was broken!

No dear, I was the only one able to fix it simply because I was not aware that it was broken.



Please take a minute of your time and say a Kapitel Tehillim for CHANA BAS RASHA ZELDA - A Kallah, less than a month before her wedding, who has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Please say Kapital Chof and Kapitel Chof Beis and in the zchus of everyone's Tehillim may she be able to walk down to her Chupah very very soon!! Amen!

Please pass this message on to at least 5 people...or put it on your blog.

(do not not ignore this. please. we know her.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

today is the day :)

(forgot to clarify that u gotta click on the title to see what day im talking about...the discussion of that day's hayom yom took place by a different post)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

my 'perspective-izers'


Regardless of the occasion, I do not remove them.
They are my 'perspective-izers'.
And I present.....

four tzmidim
(orange) "Yehudi Lo Migaresh Yehudi" [A Jew Does Not Expel A Jew]
Purchased at a booth on a main street in Rechovot.

(blue) "
L'shachrer et Pollard" [To Free Pollard]
Bought it off a mitnachel in Tel Katifa, Gush Katif on Yom Ha'atzmaot.

(white) "Yisrael B'libi-Israel in my Heart".
Souvenir from my 'oleh regel' journey (from lod to yerushalayim) erev shavuot.

(purple) "
V'ahavta Lireacha Kamocha" [Love Your Fellow As Yourself]
Got it as a gift from my 'adopted' mother in New Jersey. She had received it when she was in the Gush by the Hitnatkut.

dog tag (similar to those worn by soldiers) that have the names of 5 chayalim ne'adarim (MIA). Ron Arad, Zecharia Baumel, Guy Chever, Yehuda Katz, Tzvi Feldman.
A woman in the Old City gave it to me (last chol hamoed sukkos) when I gave her tzedakah for some organization. I presume it was to help fund and publicize the search for them.

silver bracelet
thin silver chain
Bought it in Chevron on Chol Hamoed Sukkot (this year). The jewelers were a couple who had been expelled from their home in Sa-nur.

Hope you got perspectivized, as well.

*except when the anti semites in the airport force me to take em off when goin thru security

30 seconds can save your bro

On Wednesday, g-d willing, Elchonon ben Chasha Miriam will be undergoing brain surgery to remove a tumor. Please pray for him. And may G-d bless you for it. Moshiach now!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

עוף גוזל

re-fell in love with this song. this time, i learned all the words :) (and noch besser, Six-13 has it in acapella. yesh!) oof i have been workin on the formatting for too long to not have the results so greatly desired by this forlorn sabra. nu nu, worse things have happened. (but you should know, this is a real eye-sore for me, so if any of you kind fellas can help me with the hebrew/english, i'd madly appreciate it. todah rabs in advance.)

הגוזלים שלי עזבו את הקן
פרשו כנפיים ועפו
ואני ציפור זקנה נשארתי בקן
מקווה מאוד שהכל יהיה בסדר.

תמיד ידעתי שיבוא היום
שבו צריך להיפרד
אבל עכשיו זה ככה בא לי פתאום
אז מה הפלא שאני קצת דואג.

עוף גוזל
חתוך את השמיים
טוס לאן שבא לך
רק אל תשכח
יש נשר בשמיים
גור לך.

עכשיו נשארנו לבדנו בקן
אבל אנחנו ביחד
חבקי אותי חזק תגידי לי כן
אל תדאגי ביחד כיף להזדקן

עוף גוזל

אני יודע שככה זה בטבע
וגם אני עזבתי קן
אבל עכשיו כשבא הרגע
אז מחניק קצת בגרון
מחניק קצת בגרון.

עוף גוזל

My goslings have left the nest,
They spread their wings and flew away
And, I an elderly bird remained in the nest
Hoping hard that everything will be okay.

I always knew the day would come
In which we would have to part
But now it's come upon me so suddenly
So why is it surprising if I'm a little worried?

Fly gosling, cut through the sky
Soar to wherever you desire
Just don't forget, there's an eagle in the sky
Be aware.

Now we have remained alone in the nest
But we are together
Hug me tightly, tell me "yes
Don't worry, it's fun to grow old together"

[uf gozal...]

I know that this is how nature goes,
And I too left a nest
But now that the moment has arrived
I'm all choked up

[uf gozal...]

Friday, May 12, 2006

misguided hunger

why am i opening the refridgerator when it is my brain that is hungry and my soul that is thirsty?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

i tried to look smart

i tried to look smart
and i ended up looking geeky

i tried to look confident
and i ended up looking cocky

i tried to look mysterious
and i ended up looking lost

i tried to look holy
and i ended up looking self-righteous

i tried to look inoccent
and i ended up looking foolish

i tried to look kind
and i ended up looking condescending

i tried to look fancy
and i ended up looking klutzy

i tried to look humble
and i ended up looking haughty

i tried to look chilled
and i ended up looking shlumpy

i tried to look irresistible
and i ended up looking pushy

i tried to look good
and i ended up looking bad

so i stopped trying
and i stopped looking

i started being

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

v'haishev lev avot el banim

My sister rebuked her 2 year old daughter for some of the mischief she had participated in.
My niece shouted back "lashon hora, mommy! lashon hora!"

(it was cute & funny the first time...the 25th time, its not)

optical delusion

was in the bathroom reading some brain teaser book. saw some optical illusions, the kind where there are some shapes bunched around together and your brain tricks you into thinking you see something else. an additional shape hidden. but its oh so obvious. if i had the will, i would surf the net for an example. but i dont. so use ur imagination. thats what the picture has you do-use your imagination. well actually it doesnt. it doesnt give you time to think. i thought its pretty interesting how EVERYONE AUTOMATICALLY sees that hidden shape. that white circle in between the black shapes. that gray dot amongst the grid. the black line separating the two sections.

but there is no white circle, gray dot or black line. you just assume so because thats what it looks like. its just oh so obvious. you dont think about it. it just pops into ur head and it stays there.
it makes sense.

was in a place called life. saw some situations and some people bunched together. i saw the hidden story right away. i didn't have to think. the circumstances just made it so obvious. i saw what was around and figured out what was inside. it was so glaringly obvious that once it popped into my head, it just stayed there.
it made sense.


Monday, May 08, 2006

At night he asked her to be his wife.
(while protecting her life)

And the next morning, he asked G-d for his needs.
(while confessing his deeds)

wait that was not supposed to rhyme. it takes away from the seriousness of it. oof!

no learning before davening

Learning is about questions and doubts. Davening is one with Hashem, peace & clarity.
The Rav said its assur to learn before davening.
Someone asked the obvious question, "but don't we learn chassidus before davening?"
"No", replied the rav, "chassidus is PART of davening."
Halacha states that before davening, one must think about the greatness of hashem, how low you are, where you come from etc etc.
That's what chassidus is all about.

(um i don't remember exactly what we are supposed to think about, but it was something to that effect)

and on and on

fresh start
new day
pleasantly warm n fresh

keep going
unrelenting heat

what's done is done
extra credit
passively cool

chillingly cold

Sunday, May 07, 2006

The Great Debates

(well some of em anyhow)

What Is Considered The Top Of The Pizza Slice
If Layers Automatically Overheat The Body, Even If They Are Thin
Hebrew vs Yiddish
Admitting If & When You Are In A Bad Mood
When To Live In Israel
When Morning Starts
Believing Everything You Read
Is Shifra Scary
If It's Cold In Shalvei HaGush
Thin Oily Pancakes vs Thick Dry Ones
What A Soldier's Room Looks Like
If The Guy Was Mexican Or Israeli
If They Have Shalom Bayis Problems
Firing Cecillia
Was Chicago Beneficial (both the stay and the visit)
She's Too Young To Get Married
Who Loves Who More (can't be, could be, can't be)
If I Still Like Mushroom-Barley Soup
Whether We Fight Or Not

Friday, May 05, 2006

Vav Iyar

Our sages said: "One should not take leave of his friend other than with a parting word of Torah-law, a D'var Halacha."

Our forefathers, the saintly Rebbes, explained:

"The parting word should be the kind of Torah-teaching that transforms the listener into a Mehaleich.`Progress,' Hiluch, means to rise from level to level, with one ascent after another.

Such progression embodies the superiority of the human soul over the angels, for this ascent is greatest through an act of goodness - extending a favor to another, a material favor in general, a spiritual favor in particular."

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

fallen soldiers??

why does everyone use the term 'fallen' soldiers?
(including one line from my previous post)

fallen? fallen??

these heroes, these soldiers, have not fallen. no siree. they have risen to a level higher than we can imagine.

they are not our 'fallen' soldiers. rather, they are our 'risen soldiers'

A salute to all the soldiers who have risen while protecting Hashem's nation!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Yom HaZikaron-A Day To Remember

Avigayil called me earlier today. I asked her why she sounded so 'off'. "Zeh kazeh yom moozar hayom" she replied. (its a weird day). duh. It's Yom Hazikaron. gulp.

Israel Independence Day celebrates the anniversary of the establishment of the State of Israel. The day preceding this celebration is devoted to the memory of those who gave their lives for the achievement of the country's independence and its continued existence.
The total number of soldiers and security personnel who fell since the War of Independence is 20,368. The total including those who fell in the struggle for the state before 1948 is 21,954. (This number includes disabled IDF veterans who later died from their wounds and non-IDF personnel who fell in the line of duty)

On This Day, We Honor The Memory of the Young Men & Women Who Gave Their Lives For The Creation And Security of The Jewish State. With their death they commanded us life!

I have an additional 5 soldiers that I daven for everyday. Are they dead? I do not know. Their names are Ron Arad, Zecharia Baumel, Guy Chever, Yehuda Katz & Tzvi Feldman. They are hanging on a dog tag that I have kept on my neck for nearly 2 years now. How can I put it aside when I am in the shower or sleeping? I doubt their families put them aside when relaxing. The piece of metal and what it reminds me of, helps me think in the right perspective.

Last year, I went out with Michal searching for any tekes we found worthy enough. Beggars can't be choosy and we landed up in Lod. We were so appreciative to be disturbed from our pleasant taxi ride and stand outside the vehicle when the siren rang out. We then heard from the mayor and from family members, heard 'hatikva' and 'al kol eileh', heard crying and singing. Saw flowers, saw salutes, saw tributes. I cannot fathom staying sane in a country where everyone knows someone who died. Where nearly everyone is, was or will be a soldier. We then join a local 'festival'. I buy a white and blue ball. We hum along to the music. And then we realize that it's sefirah and so we go home.

Hapitaron HaYachid? Moshiach ben David!
i'd rather walk a hundred miles by myself than walk even one mile with you.

Monday, May 01, 2006

some of my travels with egged

o how frustrating people can be

I am speaking to you about poetry
And you say
When do we eat?
The worst of it is
I'm hungry too.

by Alicia Partnoy
regretfully, i do not recall on which blog it was that i first read this. my apologies!