Monday, April 03, 2006

oyyy i miss israel

shmulik- mushka and shterna, now those are such russian names. shterna has the yiddishe taam though.
kfri-what do i need to name my children such names? i will call them israeli names, not jewish ones
shmulik-what do you mean??
kfir-im israeli, not jewish
shmulik-ma pitom??? chalila!! how can you even talk like that kfir??
kfir-ok ok im israeli. and i happen to be jewish.
shmulik-no no, you are jewish and you happen to be israeli
tal-i don' t care what or who i am, i just want the sun and sea
kfir-listen, fine i am jewish and israeli the same. and i still want that american passport.
shmulik-oy you with your passport! what good did your italian one do for you??
kfir-listen, i dont like italy. but america...
all eyes on the sabra. jealous, questioning, curious eyes.
sabra-listen, im jewish. thats the ikkar. nu i happen to be american, living in israel, visiting england..that doesnt matter
shmulik-what are u looking for exactly, kfir? the weather there is snow up to here, at least.
sabra-actually uh no. tis nice weather all year around. sunny, but not like lod.
tal-wait a second! where you live there is sun all year round???
kfir-if i can just get a visa and get to s francisco to visit my family...
shmulik (eyes and hands raised heavenward)-elokim! send kfir a righteous and pretty wife!
everyone-amen!
kfir-righteous yes, but pretty? not necessary
shmulik-but you are good looking kfir!
kfir-that is true but its still not necessary
sabra (laughing and laughing and laughing) oy i just love israelis
tal-you know, chabadnikim are so racist. (ten minute nonsensical frustrated monologue, or rather shoutalogue when kfir and shmulik join in) you would never let your daughter marry a chiloni!
kfir-and say i would be chozer b'teshuva. i am NOT saying i am. but bo nagid, that i WOULD...i would be considered sug bet and i would be given another sug bet-a chozeret b'teshuva, or a divorcee.
tal-i don't care about any of these things, i just want to be in a place with sun and sea
kfir-ya and chashish
tal-no no, not necessary. just sun.
kfir and tal-yisroel! come with us to sinai!
yisroel-what do you have in sinai anyhow?
tal-the sun!
kfir-no b'emet, come with us yisroel
sabra-i wanna!
kfir or yisroel or shmulik-you know, tal, there are many that consider even YOU a mitnachel!
kfir-mizkenim, those mitnachalim. a regular kid can go to the store and buy a candy and zehu. but they, they have to wait for trempim and..
shmulik and sabra-that's what's important in life?
yisroel-you know, since you got that haircut shmulik, you've been thinking and talking like a professor
kfir-ahh you go to amos for haircuts, nachon? every time i'm there we talk about the new building and...
yisroel-wait a second, how often do you go?
kfir-no no, i go to visit him. stam. when im in the area.
tal-ha! him, rami and steve still think we are working in IsraGuard
kfir-well he won't realize till about another month when he realizes that we didnt complain about not getting paid
sabra-wait, whats IsraGuard again?
kfir-its a special unit of the army
tal-israelis come to chutz l'aretz
kfir-and they do special important work
tal-its top secret
kfir-and they guard special places
tal-and its really important
kfir-and only unique people can do it
tal-and everyone wants the job
kfir-and its everything we said except the 'special unit' part
tal-and the important part
kfir-and unique
tal-and everyone wanting the job
kfir-and the top secret part. but everything else is true.
sabra-oh
tal-so who is coming with us to sinai?

oof this convo went on and on...for more than 3 hours....with me laughing tremendously hard for most of it, but of course, i can't write it all. well, of course i CAN but i choose not to.

6 comments:

ellie said...

Hey Stranger. Give me some more background on the dialogue. Is it from this year or last...the living-in-lod line threw me off. But the san fransisco reference made me proud give me more details so that kfirs relatives could get to know my relatives. The appealing part of this was when Kfir and Tal talk about the IsraGaurd. Annnd were the guys cute? I think im betting on Kfir.

wandering said...

lol.
Ellie, you sure do know how to pick up on the important details ;).

aliza said...

chav, you have a great ear for dialogue. that was such a treat. truly lol. i wanna hear more!

Scraps said...

It's a good thing I learned how not to laugh out loud at work. :)

cookie monster said...

chavs thats one great piece!!! now i miss israel! (only cuz ur gone ;-) very very funny!

the sabra said...

hehe just reading this post and i really like it. gosh israelis are just hysterical. i must post other conversations i've had with israelis.