Sunday, January 29, 2006

my shabbat in kfar tapuach (norah!)

all throughout shabbat i was thinkin how i'd start off this post
and all throughout shabbat it just kept changing.
from ok to worse to omg this is nuts to ok worse things have happened to how did we land up here anyhow to this is the best shabbos ever
and finally i realized that it was just unbelievable. everything that happened-i cant believe it really happened. i will now attempt to describe it, but please be forgiving of your sabra boded if necessary. (necessary=if you don't get the complete picture and feel of it all)

shabbos was unbelievable
i mean that literally
i do not believe everything we went thru
we means chava and i
(chava = esty's sis)
which reminds me mazel tov rachel, esty n chavale!
ok so kfar tapuach, here goes...

-almost take the wrong bus, cuz some helpful stupid israeli (yes u read right, i just called an israeli 'stupid') misdirected us. lo norah lo norah
-eat cookies for breakfast on bus, no time for anythin else (not even time to tell marzipan good shabbos! now that means busy...)
-get off at tzomat tapuach (i threatened the guy behind me that if he forgets to tell me where to get off we will have to go to his house for shabbat. ta'aminu li, he did not forget!)
-tzomat tapuach is a dangerous interesection where many unpleasant things have occurred in the past. please keep in mind that the sweet, friendly, seemingly inoccent word 'tapuach' (apple) bares no relation to the place. there is nothing sweet, friendly or even remotely inoccent about this intersection.
-we do not know where to stand in order to tremp to kfar tapuach (tis like 5 mins away). so i ask someone standin there and shock shock-i had photographed him in Israel's Central Bus Station a month or two ago, because laya and i had decided that the oxymoron of angel blond soldier was too much to let pass by without a canon involved. exhilirating (definitely NON-eliram) moment for yours truly.
-we start walkin until we realize that something was a bit off, considerin that we two young jewish ladies are the only jewish civillians (technically that is a repitition, becuase no arab is a civillian) found amongst scores of arab driven cars. hmmm. lo norah lo norah-just yelp to the soldierette standin there and get pointed in the right direction.
-pleasant feeling to be talkin to the soldierette while arab drivers are gettin less and less patient for they need to show their ID to the military in order to continue driving. and then i nonchalantly, casually, slowly and i mean s-l-o-w-l-y cross in front of the waitin cars with a sense of pride and unheard of jacha because hey! israel is MY land. (well yours also, if you are jewish that is)
-waitin for the longest time till FINALLY we get a tremp to the kfar. before that we get intercepted by yishaya from frumville. no fun. anyhow we have no idea where we are goin so we just walk and walk till eventually we find the correct street. we knock on someones door, a relatively decent looking home. they tell us where to go. and all throughout shabbos we wonder-why did we not simply stay at the house that we originally knocked at? it starts to rain. lo norah lo norah
-get welcomed by two dogs. why o why do i use the word 'welcome'? ach the mindless influence of society.
(and hey don't call your vicious ragged beastly creature 'lady'. its geneivas daas, at best)
-name of the game: dogs try l'kaseach chava and chava. no fun. ken norah.
-sit on couches waitin awkwardly for a kind word, a curious word or any bloody word! none forthcoming. cut toilet paper for shabbos. not allowed to shower because not enough time for them and us. NORAH beyond belief
-name of the game: dan l'chaf zechut (twas a hard one)
-skip some of the gory details and lets head to shul
-wallah aizeh kor! despite the winter frost (no, not robert) we both managed to fall asleep. mercifully, i did not snore (see later in this post)
-wait outside with two girls (one named shilat...see a way early post to what that name means), for the chabad father who we are gonna be walking home with to his house.
-chava stands there shoutin 'shraga shraga' till she realizes that if shraga DOES come out, it might be a fadicha
-fadicha does not occur for shraga does not appear, so we get pointed to his house. built like a huge 770. sababa.
-warm big clean house with clean children and homemade achla food
-that was so important and rare and precious at this stage of the game that im gonna repeat that, warm big clean house with clean children and homemade achla food
-first highlight of my shabbos was being able to answer a halachic question that the father posed.
-after (lotsa good food and) many a quiet (bordering on the uncomfortable) moment, children begin to climb onto the sabra and the fun begins. highlight #2a understanding the hebrew riddles. ok which vegetable begins with an 'a'? nope u guessed wrong, its ariel sharon. ha. and the second one is not so nice but sabras dont have to be nice so here goes...'how do u comfort sharon's family?'...'zeh hasof shel kol ballon" ouch
-back to our hosts
-we will not discuss the night for seeing it on black and white may permanently damage my already demented brain so i will just type really really quickly and not think about it ok ok here goes o wait i dont wanna do lashon hora so i gonna skip out some and we slept on the couch and we are still grossed out cuz didnt shower (choke) and then it takes us a while to lumber into slumber land afilu that we both went to sleep at 7 fri morn (iow we were exhausted), for i couldn't breathe due to stuffed nose so she couldn't sleep due to my stuffed nose (aka snoring) and then mr dog jumps on us, no fun no fun very norah, helpless feeling of trying to ward off a dog but it (i refuse to say he or she) does not obey until mother of house at last comes to rescue us and whisks the dog away but alas! the terror and trauma remains throughout the night thus leaving two very disheveled and angry children in the morning
-go off to chabad shul. typically there are approx 4 males there. by the time kriyat hatorah comes around however the necessary minynan is present in all its glory
-bla bla bla..have kiddush in shul...all the food-wallah! seuda amiti! maa, mah chashavt ahh? lo stam lo yodaati... jachnun! now THAT'S proper food!
-highlight #2b, the women poses a riddle and yours truly nearly faints with excitement and disbelief that yes! she knows the answer. yup, twas the one we heard last night. kol hakovod.
-tried hintin to the 3 other ladies that straggled to shul that we would like to go to their home but hint was not taken. reminder-israelis dont hint. ok ok. we stand outside in the unbelievable kor because we do not want to re-enter the house. and all throughout shabbos we wonder-why did we not simply stay at that house that we originally knocked at?
-at last the cold wins and we enter. discreetly, anxiously and smelly.
-ahhhh what fun! we mercilessly tease penina about tuvya, aya about maor and shir about anything one can tease a 14 year old about.
and then the third and brightest highlight since um i made announcements on a loudspeaker in the rova, i guess. chava meets one of the 3 young teenagers who were held in israeli prisons for more than a month durin the summer for protesting the expulsion of their jewish brethern in gush katif. woah! one or two notes that she mentioned that left me astounded-they were kept there (in the same prison that eichman was kept) for 39 days, 6 shabbosim...bathroom? a hole in the floor, 39 days.....not allowed to shower, wasn't allowed to be brought extra clothes-what to do? wash your hair in the sink and when you can, wash your clothes there as well. thankfully someone had been wearin 2 skirts that day so there was always one to go around....on shabbat they would open up a little crack that was in the wall separating the boys and girls and attempt to answer amen and hum along with the zemiros. (ed note: what is this? czarist russia?!?!) the younger sister was imprisoned 3 times as well. the mother sheps nachas. i cannot write more for i am not emotionally equipped to do so. slach li.
-we ended off phenomenally but still chalishin to catch the first bus/tremp outta there
-get a ride w/ mr texan to the tzomet. (listen, we can handle anything by now)
-he wants to know who i am that i have such 'uncommon brilliant wisdom at sucha a young age' humph, who is he to call me young? stam stam
-get dropped off there and are comforted by a false sense of security due to the two 'young unmarried' (to quote the texan once more) soldiers. after approx 90 seconds the chayalim are off leaving us two young jewish civillians in JEWISH OWNED yet predominantly arab-ly settled land. we shiver. from the cold and yes from the fright. we ponder as to which hachlata is befitting to accept upon ourselves, due to the situation, when a car stops. joy turns to sadness and light to dark, however, when the realization dawns that it is not one of us that has just stopped for us. ok ill say it as it was-WE WERE SCARED OUTTA OUR PANTS FROM THAT ARAB! yea even big tough sabra, can u believe it?
-we wave him off and begin to recite the 12 pesukim. ironic how we argued over the tunes. and the dark turned to light and G-d transformed our sadness into joy in the form of an orange ribbon. yes u read that correctly, as soon as i saw that orange seret swingin defiantly from the car slowing down, I knew we were saved. pulling chava along, amidst her protests of 'how do you know theyre jewish, u have to make sure' (because of the bloody (not literal) orange string my dear. and because theres a bloody (again, not literal) soldier sittin in the front and because hes wearin a kippah and because of the bumper sticker claiming that only ahava and emunah will save the jewish people and OMG just get in before we become yet another statistic chalila!)
-and then we come to highlight #4 and the end of our incredelous chavaya of a shabbat-the driver of this wonderful tremp is in sayeret golani! lemme repeat myself SAYERET GOLANI! breathe chava breathe. (never mind the tzanchan in his uniform also tremping...) woah
(all about the special forces in the IDF)

and i end off with slight regret that i cannot write down EVERYTHING that happened-limitations of dibbur and savlanut, but with the hope that all you chutznikim were able to experience a sliver of my incredible life here in eretz yisroel. you see only at the end of shabbos did we finally stop wondering why we didn't simply stay at the house which we knocked at originally-

fahr altz is hashgocha pratis.


mom said...

chava , no comment !!!!!

bro said...

chava, to many comments!

bro said...

howd u get those extra info websites when clicking on the highlighted words....? very shtatz!
u know your story sounds a bit like my trip to Lod!

...Tracy said...

Listen up chik-

first DONT EVER MAKE ME READ SOMETHING SO LONG AGAIN... u know me and my A.D.D but be very glad I made it through ...oh and thanks for the highlighted blue bits...explanations or not I used them as like a key of what I should really read .. so basically my version of your story goes like this...
...In Kfar Tapuach 3 young teenagers were held in prisons for more than a month durin the summer for protesting the expulsion of their jewish brethern in gush katif... and some sayeret golani who can tell you all about the special forces of the IDF saved chavz great story....

So how was Shabbos? :-)

Love ya,

wandering said...

chavaaaaaaaaaa yay im so happy to hear about ur crazy zany experience... i feel like im living thru u ;) and thru the other chava ;). thanks for the mazel tov i got ur messages about it. doing something else crazy and tell me about it just so i can feel the thrill of it k?

the sabra said...

bro-thanks, and what were u doin in lod? a)drugs b)arabs c) garbage
tracy-you will not believe it but just last night i was lookin at old pics and i saw the pic of you and the magician and i was like-ha! im gonna remind her about that, she definitely forgot about it..but i guess you traced it as well and erased it...
wandering-that was crazy?

aliza said...

too busy laughing to comment!

sony. said...

um hello everyone...
hey i like this blog stuff ya know
mom -i agree!
bro-ye wut were you doin in lod
tracy-whos tracy?
chava- you owe me big time ,man
i just had to read the whole thing so i could comment

chava chava...lets do it again wen i come ye?

the sabra said...

yes, i definitely owe you sonnyboy; as a treat ill let u get bitten by the dogs when you come.
read this blog because you WANT to, not because i stuff celery down your ears, or sing hatikva off key, or barakarize you nonstop or...

aliza-glad u were able to make it :)

cuz said...

I am so happy you're alive. I guess Hashem does love me after all.

elchonon said...


ok i couldent resist. i lived in tapuach for a year and a half. 2 doors to the left of shraga's house :)

the sabra said...

oof i wasn't counting on anyone being familiar w/ the ppl i write about. i do hope there was no lashon hora involved in my rant.

(i just read that whole thing over again, omg im laughing pretty hard as well)

Anonymous said...

My grandfather was one of the original founders of Kfar Tapuach, and he's buried on that hill. Don't mess.

the sabra said...

anonymous, do not fear! i aint messin with noone from that holy yishuv! honestly!

howd u find this blog? and this post?

tell me about ur grandpa, if you care to..