Wednesday, July 01, 2015

I am not sure I can say this without bursting from emotion, but I'll try.

I am in Eretz Yisroel.
I am surrounded by yidden.
I live in our Holy Land, the one G-d promised to Avraham and Yitzchak and Yaakov.
I live in this holiest land that Moshe Rabbeinu, our teacher, leader and faithful shepherd burned with desire and yearning to step foot in.
And I live here. I have stepped foot on its soil, drank its waters, breathed its air.
I live in Eretz Yisroel.

My heart hurts from emotion. I am about to cry. My stomach twists.

Me? Chava? In the beautiful, ageless, timeless Eretz Yisroel?

May it be His will that I always be worthy of this reality.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

And then I checked my email and PayPal told me "Consider yourself secure." but really, it was G-d telling me that.

G-d said to Moses, "And I will also fulfill the promise I made with them, to give them the land of Israel." (Ex. 6:4) To whom had G-d made a promise? To our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. But if they had already passed away, how could they receive the land of Israel? This is one of the sources whence we learn about Techiyat Hameytim - the resurrection of the dead in the Messianic Era. Even though our Patriarchs are no longer alive, the land will still be given to them because in the days of Moshiach, our ancestors, and all Jews, will come back to life.
(Yalkut Shimoni 6:176)
And I'm thinking - yah allah, I live in this land!

Monday, June 29, 2015

I've always wanted a storybook friend.*

And tonight, tonight I got my storybook friend.

"Too good to be true," comes to mind but guess what buster? It's too good and it's true.

Korban todah here we come.

*I'm looking for the post where I wrote about it a zillion years ago.

Lol Of The Day (or, "Word Of The Day")


Thursday, June 25, 2015

I feel so so grateful that G-d has given me....

1) air conditioning in my bedroom/office

2) a desk built into my room

3) a gift in understanding children

4) the opportunity to be a channel to deliver healing through therapeutic massage 

5) friends - from in and out of my country - who reach out to me to see how I'm doing

6) the capability, ability and desire to learn Torah 

7) the means to buy clothing

8) the means to buy food

9) freedom of fear for my life

10) a large extended family

11) my sense of what's humorous

12) all my senses

13) a healthy body, mind and spirit

14) so many talents

15) the Rebbe

16) my mashpia

17) the wildest, most incredible, unbelievable zechus to live in our very own precious Eretz Yisroel

18) a heart that cries for my friends whose family members that have passed onto the next stage of Life

19) creativity

20) the people who have played major or minor roles in bettering my life

That's the short basic list for the time being. Now I could hopefully pray a bit more appropriately than usual.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Eye Of The Beholder - “The Land of Israel is very good.” (14:7)
“I don’t know how you live in this country... You’re living in the Third World. It’s dirty and dangerous. It’s beyond my comprehension why someone with a decent standard of living would uproot himself and live in a Levantine slum.” Why is it that to some people the Land of Israel seems so beautiful while others struggle to see its beauty and leave disappointed?
Once there was a beautiful princess who had many suitors for her hand in marriage. Obviously she could only marry one of them and so she devised a plan to select the more promising candidates. When a young man would come to woo her, her servants would usher him into an ante-chamber. On the table in front of him were some fruit and some books of Torah scholarship. The servants told him that the princess would be with him shortly. They bade him make himself comfortable and to help himself to some fruit. What the suitor did not know was that there was a spy-hole in the wall of the room. Through this, the princess would observe the aspiring groom.
If he took a piece of fruit and made a beracha with apparent concentration, or if he took up a book and began to learn intently, then she would emerge in her finest apparel and appeared as a rare beauty.If, however, the suitor took some fruit and failed to make a beracha or idled his time away and didn’t use the opportunity to learn Torah, then she would put on torn rags, blacken her face and teeth and emerge looking like a hag.
Eretz Yisrael is that princess.
If a person comes to the Land looking for spirituality even the physical beauty of Eretz Yisrael will enchant him. On the other hand, if a person is not worthy, everything will seem dirty and dingy.However, Eretz Yisrael will never embarrass a person. Rather than suffering the embarrassment of being rejected by the Land, Eretz Yisrael allows the person to think that he has rejected her.
Sources: The Ramban writing to his talmidim from Eretz Yisrael (Ohr Somayach)
from the "Keep Olim in Israel Movement"  FB group

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

☀️ Tel Aviv $591 �� Seoul from $699 �� Dublin from $544

I am SO excited that it'll cost me only $591 to get to Tel Aviv now!

Those 16 shekel bus rides are just too much...

Sunday, June 14, 2015

One Chareidi, Two Chareidi...

"So, you are eh looking for a working or learning?"
"Um -- "
"Of course firstly cute."
"First he has to be a cute."
"Yes, you are cute so he has to be a cute."


That was awesome. And a relief not to be a crybaby. (I think.)

Also, חמצן.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Food Anagrams

My eating plan these days.
Same ingredients, different form.
Not by choice, mind you.
Well, everything is a choice...

How can you deny the Holocaust and then accuse us of acting just as the Nazis, may their names be obliterated forever?

Can't have your hamantash and eat it too, ya know.

Then again, if their claim is that the story we tell of the Holocaust is a gross exaggeration of the reality, then their accusations that we're acting like the perpetrators is not as severe as we/they think it is. Absolutely horrifyingly blatantly untrue and terrible etc to even consider comparing but interesting observation of their double play.

Not all of life's problems can be solved with a Nestle
שלגון בשומן צמחי בטעם וניל במילוי נוגט, בציפוי שוקולד לבן וחטיפי אורז תפוח, but a good whole lot of em can.

Who remembers my Magnum day(s)?

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

I want to hear the Rambam speak Arabic. And in general, speak.

But I'm Chava. אם כל חי. Story must not yet be over. Even though today we countered that not being by the wedding was being there even more, still.

I buy little balls and dolls and doctor sets so I can be prepared when I meet a child in need.

In Israel, where money goes for food and rent. Eh.

מודה אני לפניך, מלך חי וקיים, שהחזרת בי נשמתי בחמלה.
רבה אמונתך.

Thank You for Your love and for Your faith. Thank You for my life.

Friday, June 05, 2015

למה נגרע


The paradox
The will, the scorching burn of desire
The acceptance, the calming cool of reason
I want but I know I have
I want THAT but I have been given THIS
I'm not left with nothing
I'm left with something else

Give me so I can give
Bless me so I can bless
Enrich me so I can enrich
Nourish me so I can nourish


I am given, blessed, enriched, nourished

Constant struggle
Ask, don't ask
Don't ask, ask

למה נגרע

Souls to be born
Worlds to be redeemed


The known has become unknown
And my norm is not the norm
But it is my norm


Can a half a soul know You?

Can a half a soul create whole souls?
In THIS world?

(Because that's where I am)

למה נגרע

Complete me so I can complete Your world

So I can have שבת and תורה and חינוך and כשר
So I can GIVE שבת and תורה and חינוך and כשר

I don't want to build Your world alone
I can build it so much stronger and bolder and higher and deeper ...

Monday, June 01, 2015

My day is full of gifts!

Must sleep but would be remiss not to first toss out a few of the gifts I got today. (Not chuck it in the bin but throw out into the air.)

Not in order of importance -


1) davened maariv with a minyan
2) the minyan was in a gas station near our idle bus
3) I woke up just on time for morning
4) lerner messaged me and knew rafi
5) chani told me how calm she is
6) none of my stuff broke in transit
7) I had two showers today
8 ) one of the showers was hot

More later bez"h

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Ok, some reminders needed:

Life does not tell stories. People do.
Life provides raw materials. Raw enough for us to look back and construct at least two versions of our own biography—its past, its present and its future: one a prison, the other a palace.
This is the greatest kindness the Master of Life has given us: He has placed His own pen in our hands, so that we may enjoy the dignity of a palace constructed by our own design.

Looking at your world from Above, all is good.
Looking at your world from within, things don’t always look so nice.
Until you connect your world from within to the world above. Then the goodness flows downward without distortion.
How do you make that connection? By clinging tightly above. By putting all your trust in G‑d.

If you did good, celebrate that you have a G‑d who is there with you in your good work.
And if you fell on your face, celebrate that you have a G‑d who does not abandon you when you fall.

Two ways you could write your life:
“I am so small, and I make such stupid messes that even if the Creator of this magnificent universe had some plan for me, by now He must have given up. So I do, too.“
“I am so small, and I make such stupid messes, yet nevertheless the Creator of this magnificent universe will not let go of His belief in me. So neither will I.”

Do you believe only when you can see with your eyes? When your prayers are answered and miracles carry you on their wings? Or do you also believe when circumstances fly in your face?
If it touches you to the core, if it is a belief you truly own, if it is as real to you as life itself, then it does not change.
And if it does not change, then you are bound up with the true essence of the One who does not change.

Everything a human being is given comes in a finite package. Even the tablets Moses carried down from Mount Sinai were defined and bounded.
And so, when G‑d saw Moses mourning over the broken tablets, He said, “Your powers were focused when you smashed the tablets. For now you will receive a Torah you may extend wider than the sea.”
When a human being fails, he shatters the treasures G‑d has put in his trust. But then he cries and picks up the shards to restore what he has ruined.
That is when he discovers that G‑d Himself was hidden inside.
That is when he discovers the Infinite.

[all this from R' Tzvi Freeman's Daily Dose of Wisdom based on the Lubavitcher Rebbe's teachings]

Monday, May 25, 2015

I love when they get lost in their song. There's like that moment when it ceases to be about them but the song, the story, the soul. I'm attracted to souls. Been meaning to write about it for a while, my attraction to humble confidence and quiet strength. I so admire when the person acts only a channel. I long to divest myself of my ego, my animalistic desires and thoughts, words and actions, feelings and motivations. I yearn to be a transparent soul, a clear piece of our Living G-d, His obvious messenger in the physical world. I want to be lost in His song.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

I like Shani

It's super swell to have her in my life.

Thank G-d, thank G-d, thank G-d.

He gives me what I need when I need.

I guess I don't need to be getting married tomorrow, ד' סיון.

Who woulda thunk....

I pass a group of beautiful Jews playing wonderful, soulful, beaty, classy music with various instruments. I am happy. We are getting the Torah.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Re: My Potential

Hashem, thank You for being so in tuned to my feelings and on top of the matter.

And thank you Tzvi'ke for being His messenger.

The world around you is in shambles—and you are probably no exception. The chasm between what you should be and what you actually are is so vast, you cannot see yourself changing anything.

That’s His job. Your job is to think good thoughts. Your job is to do good deeds.

He will make a bridge from your thoughts to your deeds and together they will become the most powerful instrument of change in the world.

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

May 05, 2015

They buried my friend on my birthday.

If we're already going to be blunt though, let's agree that she most certainly feels a lot more alive than I do right now.


You want me to smile, Chaya, right? You want me to laugh, don't you? Can we sing together? Can we please dance? Can we play just one more innocent prank? This is all a prank, right? Take away the bad feelings, remind me it's all a trick, a test, a game, a show. Life, death, it's all about the in-between. Your in-between shone and shone, shines and shines, you little blondie, you.

You are sunshine.

Lemme ruffle your hair just one more time. Lemme give you just one more massage. Let's whisper for a few more minutes. And another few. And another few. And another few. And let's stay friends forever and ever, wherever you go and whatever I do, let's still be friends.

I might have to be a little bit of your sunshine now. I might have to double my grins on your behalf. You'll do your half by encouraging me and I'll do my half by smiling. It might take me some time, Chaya, but I'll get it. Remember how patient and supportive I was when you didn't want to take your meds one Shabbos? Friends don't get scared off by these things; friends stick around always.

Stick around, Chaya.

Be sunshine, still.